When I was in middle school, I distinctly remember looking out the school bus window at a random pedestrian and thinking, “Wow, she’s ugly.” And then, for some unknown reason, something shifted inside me and I was suddenly aware of (and ashamed and horrified at) my own thoughts. Was this how I wanted to see the world? Did I want to be someone who casually picked apart everything, derisive and smug? What an ugly way to live. From that point on, I made a deliberate attempt to change my outlook, or at least my conscious reaction to my world. I worked to see the positives and the potential, rather than to mock and dismiss. And yes, I realize this all sounds a bit PollyAnna-ish. And no, I wasn’t always successful. But I’ve always thought of that moment on the bus as helping me to positively change the way I responded to and interacted with the world.
But lately, I haven’t been comfortable with myself. My thoughts and my internal dialogue have been dark and unkind and I’ve felt vaguely uneasy. Then, yesterday, something shifted again. I recalled that long-ago pivotal moment on the bus and realized that, so many years later, I’ve once again tuned in to the radio frequency “Negativity”–quick to complain rather than to compliment, to see ugliness rather than beauty, to denigrate rather than too celebrate and to dwell on loss rather than on good fortune. I have allowed pessimism and fear to seep back into my world like ink wicking into cotton paper, coloring my outlook in unsightly blotches. But more importantly, yesterday I also remembered that I have a choice. I can turn the radio dial and change the frequency.
And so that’s what I’m doing. I will seek to compliment rather than to complain, to seek and acknowledge beauty even amidst ugliness, to celebrate rather than to denigrate and to treasure my good fortune rather than to dwell on what has been lost. I have promised myself to embrace the positives and reject the negatives and to be thankful for all that I have and hold in my rich, comfortable life. For there is so much. 
Nix the comfort zone 
It sounds a lot like a Unity way of life. We always have choices. Congrats on yours.
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That’s a great quote. I concur!
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It is surprising how easily the negative sneaks in and makes itself at home. I’m glad you were able to see it and take control. Having read your post, I will be more aware of my own negative thinking.
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I’ve always wondered why it’s just so easy to be negative & why we have to work at being positive. Instead of a New Years resolution I pick a word to work on. 2015 I picked ‘change’. 2016 I’ve picked ‘positive’. I wish you luck on your positive adventure!
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I know, Linsey, and why are bad habits so much easier to pick up then good habits? Oops…negative thought…but still! Good luck with your own positive adventures. I look forward to reading about them.
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It is very sorrowful how easy it is to fall into negativity but at least you recognized it and are in the process of making changes. Actually, I started this self same project this morning. My prayers this morning was help me to remember to smile at life.
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“Remember to smile at life.” What a great phase, Haddon. Thanks for sharing!
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I don’t know why my name doesn’t come up – Bernadette. Hope to talk more in 2016
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Hi Molly, Bye Molly,
Got your voicemail. Thank you and I hope you have a great vacation/holiday also.
Note: When I was in Junior High School living in Tampa, Florida, I also had one of those shifts. We were riding through a poorer section of town and some black kids were playing near the street; I stuck my tongue out at them as we drove by. And then the shift happened in me. A lot as you described. I’ve worked all the rest of my life to not put down or dislike someone who is different from me.
I like the way you use present tense in this post. That makes it an affirmation.
Love you, Sue
Sue F. Phillips mainereader@gmail.com 207.353.5046 204 Doughty Point Road Harpswell ME 04079-2268
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