March 2018 SOLC–Day 8
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Have you noticed the pattern? Five or six days out there’s a fair amount of snow forecast. Everyone perks up at school, like dogs scenting squirrels. Snow day!?! Then, over the next few days, the forecasted snowfall totals move up and down, until finally the chance of snow evaporates… Until it reappears a few days later, about five days out.
Random pattern? I don’t think so! No, I’m pretty convinced that there’s a sadist who works in the weather department. I even think he may have been the one to come up with the idea of publishing a 10-day extended forecast. It gives him more range for his evil.
Here’s how I think it goes. At about 5 or 6 days out in winter, he plants the first seed. Rubbing his hands gleefully together, he slips in a forecast for snow, maybe 5-8 inches. I can just imagine the malicious gleam in his eye. Throughout the next few days, he manipulates that. A few inches up, a few inches down. He gets his thrills imagining teacher conversations. He may even use his hands as puppets and speak his imagined dialogues aloud.
Hand one, falsetto: “Oh, do you think there’ll be a snow day next Tuesday?”
Hand two, whiney falsetto: “It was 5-8 inches yesterday. Now it’s down to 3-5. I just don’t know…”
Hand one, despairingly: “Oh, nooooooooo!”
As the days pass, he plans and manipulates. He threads in just enough uncertainty to spice things up. “A slight change in the forecasted path could affect these totals…” or “There’s some disagreement among weather models…”
Finally, one or two days ahead, he switches the forecast to 1-3 inches, or even to the dreaded < 1 inch, plummeting teacher hopes and dreams. When I see that forecast change, I swear I can hear maniacal laughter in the background.
“Bwahhh hah hah!!!”
But, not today. Today, I imagine the weather sadist sulking amidst his computers and weather reports, wringing his hands while teachers rejoice. For today is a 100% full fledged snow day!