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“I’m thinking of taking out a personal ad!” I announced in a rush as I blew in the door after work yesterday. “Have you ever written one? How do they go anyway?”
My husband, pretty secure after 30+ years of wedded bliss, just looked at me quizzically. I explained, laughing, that after continued frustration on-line, frantically trying to capture an elusive vaccine appointment (see yesterday’s blog), I’ve decided to change my approach. With this context, he was 100% on board and even helped with some abbreviations. (Thanks, Kurt!) Here’s the rough draft (regretfully revised to take out those abbreviations that cracked us up but might be a bit too provocative):
ISO Good Times With A BBV*!
I’m a 50-something MWF**. A bit frazzled these days, but at my best, I’m a fair amount of fun. I enjoy large gatherings, public transportation, and touching my face. Tired of the on-line scene and compulsive hand washing, I’m seeking a long-term relationship with a BBV*. Preferably not too hot. I’m not the type to discriminate. I will consider all offers, and I’m willing to travel to meet up. I’m hoping for hugs and hand-holding, mask-less walks on the beach, and maybe even some romantic, candlelight indoor dining! No need for casual conversation. I’m looking to add some adventure to my life! Let’s make a date! Soon!
So what do you think?
*BBV=big beautiful vaccine
**MWF= married white female
Nix the comfort zone 
I laughed! And I so very much want to know about the more salacious abbreviations that were cut in the revision process!
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“Salacious” is SUCH a great word! We had a lot of fun tossing around abbreviations. It felt so good to laugh about a frustrating situation.
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Yes, count me in for the deleted abbreviations!
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This is fantastic! If I were a teacher I’d older kids, I’d try this writing with them!
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That would be fun!
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A long term relationship with a BBV! I’m rolling! This is what I needed to start my day – laughter and mysterious innocent innuendo!
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We laughed a lot last night!
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I do hope it works for you and you get your vaccine soon! What an approach!
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Better to laugh than cry! lol And I did finally score an appointment for this Sunday morning.
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I like how you turned frustration into a funny ad. Very clever. I hope you get an appointment soon and that we are back to gathering, hugging (didn’t realize I missed this so much until I didn’t do it for a year), and ditching the masks.
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I’ve never been much of a hugger, but I do miss it!
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I think it’s already fairly salacious when a MWF is out there looking for adventure and no conversation. Is this what it’s come to now in our country. Shocking lack of family values!!
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Totally shocking! lol
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Love it. What great fun! You and Kurt must have had a hoot working with it. It’s not too risque for the Portland Press Herald, n’est-ce pas? A wider audience would love your humor!
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Once the idea took hold, I couldn’t wait to start writing! I looked forward to it all day yesterday.
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How funny and cute is this?? BBV…classic! 🙂
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That credit goes to my husband 🙂
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Hahahaha–love this, Molly!
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Thanks, Laura. We were really cracking ourselves up!
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Love it.
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Thanks!
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Laughing out loud under my mask while my students wonder what all the tears are about. (tears of laughter!)
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I’m so glad it made you laugh 🙂
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This is too funny! I enjoy large gatherings, public transportation, and touching my face! Lol! I love touching my face too, ha.
I love your ad. I compared getting an appointment to trying to get concert tickets! It’s so much the same. The urgency to pick before someone else gets it. The elation when it’s yours!
Hope you get one soon.
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It is really crazy how convoluted the system is! I finally did get an appointment this morning. Yay!
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Yayyyy!!
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Thanks!
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Love it! Thanks so much for writing this. It made my day.
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This is so hilarious! Hope it will bring you some good results.
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It did! I got an appointment for Sunday 🙂
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You are sure to get the date you are looking for! Good luck in this search.
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MOLLY! This should be in The New Yorker. Or, The Atlantic. Or, The NYT. And more, The LA Times. Read on NPR, on & on. Sending charms, vibes, praise-prayer for BBV, soon!
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