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SOLC Day 13: To go, or not to go, that is the question

March 2024 SOLC–Day 13
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

The question arose early in the day.

Should I go or not?

Last week I had started an exercise class on Tuesdays and Thursdays from. 5:30-6:30 pm. Somehow it was Tuesday already. Funny how that happens.

I relatively enjoyed the class last Tuesday, and actually felt good after going. I had totally planned on going again. The problem was that after exercising on both Tuesday and Thursday night last week, I couldn’t sleep. At all. Before starting the class, I had dimly remembered that exercising in the evenings had been a problem for me in the past, but hadn’t thought too much about it. Until dragging myself through last Wednesday and Friday. I’d already started investigating alternative classes at other local YMCA’s, but hadn’t found the perfect fix yet.

Now, two days into Daylight Savings Hangover Time, I was already exhausted. The thought of adding a night of restless sleep to that mix was daunting, especially if I could possibly avoid it. I have enough problems with interrupted sleep already!

So, when I stepped outside into a beautiful, albeit blustery, afternoon, I texted Kurt:

Isn’t he cute? 

Anyway, the whole way home I debated–Should I go to class or walk? Will I still walk if Kurt doesn’t want to? Am I just rationalizing to avoid the class? (I am very, very good at talking myself into or out of something.) How do I know if I’m  making a reasonable choice or just avoiding something that I don’t feel motivated to do?

I started thinking in bullet points:
If I go to class…

  • I’ll be developing that habit.
  • I’ll feel good about going. 
  • I’ll be doing some weight bearing exercise.
  • The instructor will know I’m not a quitter. (I  know, this is so ridiculous, but I did think along those lines.)
  • I may very well not sleep well. ACK!

If I walk instead…

  • I’ll spend time outside, and it is lovely out.
  • I’ll spend time with Kurt (even if he is a jerk– lol)
  • I’ll still get exercise.
  • I’ll hopefully be able to sleep.
  • I will have an extra 45 minutes of time that won’t be spent driving to and from class.
  • Oh, by not driving, I won’t pollute as much. (I realized I was starting to reach here.)

By the time I got home, I was totally unsure if I was rationalizing or not, but I had decided to go walking instead of going to class. 

Happily, Kurt joined me and we went for a brisk 3 mile walk down to the river and back. 

I’m still not sure if it was the best choice or not, but I mostly feel good about it. 

I’m still wondering how to determine if I’m  making excuses or good arguments. (Any tips?)

And I still don’t know if I’m going to class this Thursday or not. 

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SOLC Day 12: Celebrating characters on and off the page

March 2024 SOLC–Day 12
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

Yesterday in my second grade class, students were celebrating their fiction reading by creating posters of favorite characters they’d met during their reading travels. They had a number of items to include on their posters, but were delighted by the illustration portion of the assignment. The class was totally immersed in the project, and there was a happy little buzz about the room. Everyone was taking their time and doing their very best.

One student, C., was working slowly and carefully on his depiction of Franny K. Stein. He had four books from the series in front of him and looked back and forth between them. One time as I walked by, I saw him frowning and heard him mutter, “One of her pony tails is longer than the other.” Then he carefully erased and redrew it.

As students began to finish up, they roamed about checking out each other’s work. Before long, I noticed a small crowd had gathered around C, who was still working steadily. A voice suddenly piped up.

“C, that’s really good!”

“Wow, C! That looks just like Franny!”

“Oh my gosh! That’s so good!” another classmate enthused.

Drawn by the comments, J. popped over to take a look. He’s a bit of a whirling dervish– lots of action, good-natured silliness and impulsivity. When he saw C’s picture, he stopped in his tracks. His mouth dropped open and he proclaimed, reverently and slowly, “I would remove the Mona Lisa to put that picture in!”

Other students nodded along. C. basked in the glow of all the compliments.

Later, I saw C carefully slide his completed work on top of the other finished pieces in the bin. His gaze lingered on his illustration, and I thought he might be admiring his efforts again. Then, he cocked his head to the side, bent down to look a little closer, and under his breath muttered, “She looks like she’s got a Donald Trump tan.”

I fully anticipated that this project would be engaging, but I really didn’t expect it to be so amusing along the way!

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SOLC Day 11: Seeding Joy

March 2024 SOLC–Day 11
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

Outside the window, the birds fluttered and flapped from tree to ground to bush and around the feeders. Their songs and occasional squabbles filled the air. I stood by the window, amazed by the level of activity, listening, watching, and feeling my spirits inevitably lift.

Why were there so many of them?

My mind went back to the previous night’s blustery, cold, last-minute filling of the many bird feeders. Oh, yeah… What a lovely reward I’d reaped for following through, albeit quite reluctantly, on that task.

“You’ve got to seed your joy,” I thought, looking through the window, enjoying the fruits of my small effort, and my small word play. Happily, the birds were able to enjoy it as well. A pleasure shared is a pleasure doubled, right?

That phrase “seed your joy” has been lingering in my mind ever since. I know firsthand that small pleasures can sing and their effect can linger. A smudgy, grubby microwave finally cleaned, a gritty stairway vacuumed, or some fresh flowers placed on the table require minimal effort, but bring me a flash of pleasure every time I look at them. A letter written, a phone call made, or yes, bird feeders filled, spread the joy a bit further afield.

So, I’ve been pondering. What other small things can I do? What seeds can I plant today for myself and others that will eventually yield a small crop of future joy?

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SOLC Day 10: Merlin works magic!

March 2024 SOLC–Day 10
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

What was that?

On my way to dumping out the compost, I stopped to listen. There it was again–some sort of bird call, but one that I didn’t recognize. 

I am not very good at recognizing bird calls. Or music. Or sounds in general. I think it’s an auditory issue of some sort. I’m really, really bad at it, even when I try. I am not exaggerating. My husband loves to quiz me with songs and musicians.

“Who’s that singing?” he’ll ask.

When I inevitably give up, he’s aghast. “How can you not recognize Mick Jagger’s voice?”

At any rate, maybe a few years ago, someone told me about the Merlin app. If you like birds and don’t know this app, check it out right now. It’s free and amazing! I only dip into the sound recordings to help me identify birds by their calls, but there’s tons more to investigate. Just the sound-recording identification feature alone is game changing.

Yesterday, I went back inside to grab my phone, wanting to use Merlin to identify the unusual call. Of course, when I came back outside, all the birds had vanished, and there was nothing to hear. I looked around. Nothing moved. I waited a few minutes. Finally I heard a far-off call, though not the same one. Still, I turned on the app. 

Bit by bit, as I stood there, the backyard came alive with bird song and flight. I listened and watched. As I heard each call, it appeared on my screen.

I do know many birds by sight and I can recognize chickadees, robins, titmice, the jays, gold finches, a variety of woodpeckers, the crows, the cardinals, and many more. I’m still fuzzy on house finch versus purple finch, and my hawk identification is pretty limited, but I’m getting better. Using the app really helps. I can use the sound identification and link it to the bird.

On this particular morning there were some surprise visitors, even though they remained unseen. I’ve learned to trust this app. If it says the bird is there, it usually is. 

I was delighted to see brown creeper pop up on my screen. I love these small brown birds with their curved beaks. I don’t know their call, but I do know them when I see them. They are year round residents, and expert camouflagers. They move up the trunks of trees, scouting for bugs, and then always fly along to land low on another trunk and begin another upward climb. I scanned the tree trunks. I still didn’t see a creeper, but was excited to know they were around. 

As I listened, I found myself looking through the trees, trying to find the bird that matched the call. Hoping this time the call and the bird would stick in my mind. 

Having spent more and more time bird watching, I don’t always need the app. Some calls are quite easy to recognize. When I heard the geese, I immediately scanned the sky until I spotted them flying overhead. I have also finally learned to recognize the distinctive call of the white-throated sparrow. The confirmation on screen always makes me smile though. Got it!

Then a few surprises appeared.

Screenshot

A brown headed cowbird! A pine siskin! A yellow-rumped warbler! Merlin has icons that tell you if a species is rare (red dot) or uncommon (orange semi-circle) for your current location and date. All of these species were marked, yet I hadn’t heard (or recognized the call of) any of these. I had no idea they were around. Pine siskins are more apt to appear in midcoast Maine from fall to spring. Yellow-rumped warblers are some of the first spring songbird migrants, and cowbirds also return in the spring to breed. Their juxtaposition confirmed what I’ve noticed lately. There’s change in the air!

I stood on the back porch for 10-15 minutes, every so often glancing at the phone in my hand, listening to and watching the birds. It was such a delightful interlude.

It’s so easy to miss things when you don’t stop to pay attention. 

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SOLC Day 9: Feeling Nostalgic

March 2024 SOLC–Day 9
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

My youngest daughter loved to sleep in our bed. As she got older, my husband and I used to worry about it. Should we say “No”? Is she too old? Eventually, we fell back on that age old wisdom, “Well, she’s not going to be sleeping in our bed forever.” As the time between her nighttime visits stretched out, I began to wonder each time, Will this be the last time?, and then I didn’t mind the extra limbs and limited space so much.

Winter is still here, but you can feel it loosening its grip. It’s been tame this season, and I’ve missed the winter scenery–the geometry of ice on the river, snow covered fields, the fleeting, deep blue that lingers within mounds of snow.

Over the past week or so, I’ve found eyes lingering on the trees. I love to see them snow-dusted after a storm, but even without the snow, I adore the network of bare branches visible in the winter. It’s only in recent years that I’ve come to recognize that I actually prefer the winter version of trees. They hint at the symmetry of roots underground, frame the sky, and reveal the birds. Their interlocking branches feel both stark and majestic. I know those limbs will disappear soon, gradually hidden by the spring growth of lush green leaves.

I’m nostalgic today, I guess, missing things that are long gone, and missing other things before they’ve even gone. My daughter is 26 now and it’s been a long, long time since she slept in our bed. Ultimately, we didn’t even notice when that last time happened. And now, even while my eyes linger on those glorious winter trees, I’m recognizing their transience, already missing them.

It’s so difficult to recognize a last time while it’s happening. As I get older, I’m more and more aware of the fleeting nature of everything. I know that “last times” are approaching, or perhaps even passing me by right now, unnoticed until later.

I’m trying to think of this increased awareness as a gift, a reminder to appreciate things while we still have them, while they’re still here.

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SOLC Day 8: Boot Camp

March 2024 SOLC–Day 8
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org
This post is also for this week’s Poetry Friday.

If you read my post yesterday, you might be wondering if I went to Boot Camp last night or not. Here’s an update…

I get home from school determined to go to Boot Camp, though I do NOT want to do it. Not AT ALL. I am bone tired, physically, but also just so tired of rushing. I want a night where I don’t have to do anything, for at least a little while. Outside, it’s cold and rainy. Inside, the chair beckons. The wood stove beckons. I give in to the lures for just a moment, curl up on the chair, and within moments, fall fast asleep.

I wake up a little bit later and immediately look at my watch.

“Phew! I didn’t miss Boot Camp!” said no one in my house.

With incredible effort and stunning discipline, I overcome the forces of inertia and propel myself into exercise clothes and out the door, whining all the way.

At the Y, before class starts, everyone is throwing around the “f” word.

“We’re going to do centers tonight and you’re going to work really hard!” the instructor says. 

“Fun!” someone replies enthusiastically.

Fun? Huh. That’s not the f word that came to my mind.

“We’ll get the music going and really get into it. You’re going to leave it all out there!” 

“Fun!” someone else chirps happily.

If you’re a fan of the move, “The Princess Bride”, you’ll understand that after a few more “Fun’s”, it was really hard not to say, “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” 

Soon enough, the instructor has explained all the stations, and we’re off.

I start with jump roping. I quickly get tired. Keep going! Just distract yourself. Think about something else… I often try to write poetry when insomnia strikes, but I’m pretty sure I can’t compose while bouncing. Just pick a word and rhyme. (Please bear in mind that I’m feeling overwhelmed at this whole exercise Boot Camp thing, so I have to do something to keep going.)

rope
scope
hope 
dope 
dope 
DOPE 
bope? 

BEEP! Next station.

I stumble to the next station, some sort of stair torture.

I recognize that I might be having a less than stellar mindset and try to turn off the negativity.

Come on, Molly. I tell myself in my best cheerleader voice. You can do this. Just try.

try
fly
die 

Ohhhhkay, maybe choose another word. 

The instructor’s voice rises over the music, “If you need to stop and catch your breath, that’s okay.”

Breath, I think, panting heavily and trying to catch mine. Good word. 

breath
death

Okay, maybe this rhyme thing isn’t working so well.  I stop rhyming and try to focus on my form at the current station, but before I know it, I’m rhyming again.

“Finish strong!”

strong 
long
wrong
wrong 
WRONG!

BEEP! 

“Next station!”

I’m now doing something called Crawling Bear. At least I think that’s what the instructor called it. I am literally on my hands and feet with my butt stuck up in the air, scuttling around a marked path. (I’d describe it some more, but you really don’t want to do too much envisioning here.) 

My rhyme brain and negativity decide to join forces.  

What rhymes with suck?

Oh!!! The f word!

So, I repeat that one over and over and over in my head until…

BEEP! 

“Next station!”

And so it goes. 

Eventually it ends. And I did it all. More or less.

On the way home I compose a limerick in honor of the occasion (and so that I could technically link this post to Poetry Friday lol). 

There once was a foolish old lass
who started an exercise class
Her thighs were a-quakin’
her biceps a shakin’
‘Twas all a big pain in her a*s!

If you’re interested in checking out some much more meaningful rhyming and poetry, head over to Laura Purdie Salas’s blog. She’s hosting Poetry Friday and celebrating the launch of her newest book, “Oskar’s Voyage”. You’ll find some fascinating tidbits on the book’s creation, especially how it moved from prose to poetry.

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SOLC Day 7: Exercise and Aging

March 2024 SOLC–Day 7
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

I started an exercise class this week. I just walked right in, more or less ready to go. Ok, to be honest, I spent a couple of weeks talking and thinking about it first…or maybe a year or so… At any rate, I got there a bit early on Tuesday night so that I could introduce myself to the instructor and let him know I had no idea what I was doing. He was friendly and gave me a cursory overview of the class and a few tips. 

“Let me know if you need some modifications. Tonight is mostly weights, so the typical modification is less weight. Thursday night is more of a cardio Boot Camp(Wait! What!?! ) so there might be some more things to adapt then.”

I nodded, barely listening anymore, while seriously reconsidering my plan to go to the Thursday class. (Boot camp! I have NEVER aspired to participate in anything called Boot Camp! )

But let me fill you in. I’m taking this particular class for several reasons: 

One, I’m getting older. I know this isn’t a news flash, but it’s starting to sink in. Last year, I listened to all of Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s amazing podcast, “Wiser than Me”, in which she interviews famous older women about their lives and their ideas about aging. (It’s absolutely fabulous, by the way, and I highly recommend that you check it out!) From the women who were feeling good about being older, there was definitely a theme about the benefits of being fit and strong heading into your golden years. 

Two, I already have noticed that I don’t feel as strong as I used to. I’ve also read about the importance of weight bearing exercise for menopausal women. I’ve managed to  ignore both of these things for a long, long time. It feels like the right time to make a change. Ok, if I’m being honest, and more accurate, it feels more like now or never.

Finally, I haven’t taken a class in ages. I (sort of) like the idea of trying something new, and this particular class works with my schedule. Besides, it’s March, and I can probably find a slice in it somewhere, right? (Psst–Hey, look! I did!)

On the journey to this new exercise thing, I’ve discovered that there are some clear benefits to aging. (Though when I just said that to my husband, he scoffed. Loudly. Or at least I think that’s the appropriate word for the sound he made. Maybe it was a snort?) But truly, the wonderful thing about aging is that I don’t really give a hoot about a lot of the exercise trappings. I just want to do it. I’m not embarrassed to modify if I need to. I no longer have the need to try to keep up with the bounciest, most energetic person in the room. I am totally in it for myself and for the most part, couldn’t care less what anyone else thinks. I did give a few minutes of thought to my wardrobe, but mostly for the comfort factor. There is no longer a need to look good in the gym either. Coordinated outfits? Ha! I wore old leggings (I’ll just ignore that small hole.) and  a souvenir T-shirt from a long ago 5K. It worked. 

So class one is now officially in the books.

On Wednesday morning my coworker asked, “How did your class go last night?”

My response? 

“I didn’t tip over, and I didn’t wet myself. I count that as a win!” 

Based on her facial expression and the fact that she’s a very fit 29, I’m not sure she appreciated the true scale of the victory, but I sure did.

Now it’s time to decide whether or not to head to Boot Camp on Thursday. 

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SOLC Day 6: Getting outside

March 2024 SOLC–Day 6
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

Although the weather forecast called for unrelenting grey this week, I woke on Monday to blue skies and sparkling sunshine. The ride to work was stunning. After some overnight rain, everything was fresh and vivid. A haphazard V of geese flew low over my car and the rising sun lit their bellies a glow. It doesn’t get much better than that. I’m totally taking a walk after school today.

All day long one of my students was obsessing over wearing shorts tomorrow. I kept overhearing him talking to his classmates with great enthusiasm. “Are you wearing shorts tomorrow?” “I’m gonna wear shorts tomorrow.” His intensity made me smile. After dark winter days, we’re all ready for some sun and warmth. 

Recess duty was a joy and we were hard pressed to blow the whistle and end all the fun. The likelihood of more sun this week was scant and the students (and we) were happily soaking in the rays and the moderate temperatures. I couldn’t wait for my afternoon walk!

At the end of the day I gathered my things quickly to leave. As I walked out to my car, a friend passed me, heading back into the building, “Molly, you should stay for yoga!” she said. (Our fabulous PTA has arranged for a free 6 week session of weekly yoga on Monday afternoons.)

“No way,” I replied. “It’s gorgeous outside. I’m going for a walk.”

“You really should try it some time,” she said. She knows my complex feelings about yoga (which might or might not appear in a blog post later this month). 

“Not today!” I replied, thankful to be outside and looking forward to my walk. 

As I drove home, I watched the clouds gather steadily. Or maybe I was just driving into them? Either way, by the time I got home, that lovely warm sunshine was a memory and the skies were covered with a thick blanket of grey.  Oh, no. I wonder if it’s still sunny at school?  I stepped out of the car to a brisk wind. It’s colder here, too! I really wanted a warm-ish sunny walk!

Winter in Maine is tough with all daylight hours literally spent at work. I leave in the dark and drive home in the dark. Now that there’s some time at the end of the day, you just have to take advantage of it. 

So, I changed my shoes, zipped up my coat and set off at a brisk pace, giving one last fleeting, regretful thought to my imagined warm, sunny walk. Heading down our rural road, I watched a hawk lift and soar from a nearby field and traced its low path through the trees until I could no longer follow it. Where was it going? I veered off the main road and onto a blocked access road. With the recent rains, the creek water was flowing, gushing and tumbling over slabs of rock. I felt my shoulders ease as I listened to the rushing sounds. I walked carefully hoping to see a deer or other creature, but it was just me and a few far-off birds. It was thoroughly lovely. 

Even as the day grew darker, and it started to mist, my footsteps lightened. I didn’t care that the sun had disappeared for the day. Or that the dark was steadily gathering around me. I didn’t even mind the fact that the mist gradually turned to drizzle and that drizzle inevitably turned to rain.

It just felt so good to be outside and moving. 

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SOLC Day 5: What else is lurking in that cupboard?

March 2024 SOLC–Day 5
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

I have never had a class celebrate as many birthdays as my class this year. It seems like there are always cupcakes, cookies, or some other sweet treat coming in the door. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m always up for sweets and a celebration, but this year that’s been complicated a bit by a student whose parents want her sugar restricted. And so, of course, the treats are rolling in!

This past Friday we had cupcakes late in the day. I was handing out random napkins from a stash in the cupboard, while the birthday boy supervised cupcake dispersal. I had decided to use up all the odds and ends. Who knows how long they’d been there!

“Rainbow stripes for you and you!” I said, putting down a few brightly striped napkins.

“Yay, we’re back to Valentine’s Day!” I said as I handed out a few red heart covered ones.

“Oh, Christmas is here again.” I put down a napkin…

What! Wait a minute! That doesn’t look right!

I snatched it back up.

“Never mind, it’s snowmen for you!” I said, quickly recovering, pulling a napkin from the bottom of the pile, and moving away. The surprised student was thankfully distracted by an incoming cupcake.

I moved over to my desk and quickly shuffled through the remaining assortment of napkins. Was there another one or two? Yup! I removed them from the stack and then continued handing out the rest of the napkins.

Before long the kids were off to Specials and I was looking more closely at the napkins I’d secreted away. I have no idea where they came from, but I’m pretty sure that these napkins were not intended for an 8 year old birthday bash:

Maybe I need to look a bit more carefully at what else is in that cupboard. Or maybe I need to quiz the room’s previous occupants. And take notes! Because clearly they were having a good time!

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SOLC Day 4: Ten Ways of Looking at a Grey Winter Day

March 2024 SOLC–Day 4
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

Yesterday was dreary in a dazzling sort of way. We ventured outside to enjoy the day and were amply rewarded for doing so. In fact, during our wanderings we spotted at least 21!!! bald eagles! It was tough to keep count.

Ten Ways of Looking at a Grey Winter Day
after “Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird” by Wallace Stevens

  1. You,
    me,
    alone together
    on rain drenched paths.
  2. Puddles
    offer up reflections
    to the sky.
  3. Wings lift and shift.
    A convocation
    of eagles gathers
    at the water’s edge.
  4. Suffused with mist and
    the keening of geese,
    the air hums.
  5. An old orchard,
    overgrown.
    Winter stark and
    free of apples,
    ripe with echoes
    of laughter.
  6. Between the thorns,
    globes of water balance
    along blackberry canes.

    Within each sphere
    a world
    encapsulated.
  7. The yellow glow
    of winter grass
    warm beneath
    the bare trees.
  8. Blueberry barrens–
    a gentle red glow,
    sweetens the grey.
  9. Negative space.
    Silence where frogs sing.
    Ice in the marshes.
  10. When the wind blew,
    it shook raindrops free
    and filled the wings
    of a hawk.

©Molly Hogan