Choosing Trust

What was it I heard recently? Was it on a podcast? NPR? I suspect the latter, but I can’t remember who was being interviewed, or even the topic. I’m not even sure what day I heard it. What I do remember, vaguely, is that a man was being interviewed and he talked about expecting the positive from people. He said that he has trust in people and that for the most part, it works out. When his trust is misplaced, he regards that as the tax he pays on the luxury of having a trustful outlook on the world. (Again, I am paraphrasing madly and perhaps erroneously here. If anyone heard this interview, or something resembling it, please chime in and let me know!)

It struck me how liberating living in trust is. To expect that people tend to treat others well. That if you ask for help, you’ll receive it. It even made sense that, on occasion, you’d have to be “taxed” on that. And the toll of living otherwise struck me as well. To live in a fearful, guarded way, expecting others to take advantage, to refuse to help, to treat you badly. I suspect I fall somewhere in-between the two on that continuum, leaning toward trustful, but certainly not fully there.

These ideas lingered with me — albeit vaguely.

Then, early on Monday morning, I was at the gas pump, filling up, en route to the grocery store to buy ingredients for a family brunch. I finished fueling, got back in the car and turned the key.

Nothing.

I laughed and shook my head. Really?

I turned the key again.

Nothing.

I called Triple A and was put on hold. With the phone on speaker, I started to push the car away from the pump toward a parking spot. Which worked great. Until it didn’t.

I looked around. There was a man at the gas pump adjacent to me, just finishing up.

“Excuse me, would you mind helping me push my car over there?” I asked him, pointing to my destination.

“No problem,” he replied. “Do you need a jump?”

“Well, I’ve called Triple A, so I should be okay…” my voice trailed away doubtfully as the droning hold music continued to issue from within the car.

“If I have my jumper cables I’ll be happy to help you out,” he said.

“That would be great,” I said.

A few minutes later I had hung up on Triple A, and we had moved the car into the designated spot. He pulled up next to me, then reached into his back seat and took out a pristine pair of jumper cables. Simultaneously, the opposite back door opened and his son stepped out.

“Thank you so much!” I said to both of them, “I’m so sorry to take up part of your day.”

“No worries! We’ve got the whole day,” the man replied, smiling.

The boy walked to the front of the car. Immediately, his father began explaining.

“So, the yellow is the positive and the black is negative.” He handed the other end of the cables to me. “Make sure to hold those apart,” he said over his shoulder.

Then he went on explaining to his son. Step by step. “This is the battery….” ” You attach these here…”

It was such a natural teaching moment in so many ways. Superficially, he was teaching his son how to jump a stalled car. But more importantly, he was also teaching him to take the time to help others. To be kind. To be helpful. To foster trust.

I thought back to that interview and the idea of regarding people and the world through a lens of trust.

Five minutes later, my car started on the first key turn. We disengaged the cables and I set out to the auto parts store. When I left, after effusive thanks, the man and his son still had their heads bent close together, continuing to explore their car’s engine.

I pulled out of the parking lot, my breakfast plans derailed, my wallet soon to be lighter, with a big smile on my face and a light heart. And I felt myself move along that hypothetical continuum, a bit more toward the trusting side.

And it felt really good.

Owls

It’s early morning on the last Tuesday before school gets out for the summer. I’m lying in bed, unsure what woke me. Was it looming last day worries and deadlines? The vague throb of a troublesome tooth breaking through its ibuprofen buffer? Perhaps it was the owls again.

Our home is surrounded by woods, and the barred owls have been especially active recently. We both thrill to hear their song off and on throughout night. Tonight they’ve woken us again and again with their soft calls.

Once, earlier, wanting to share the moment, I’d whispered to Kurt, “Did you hear that?”.

“Yes,” he’d answered softly, and I knew we were both listening together.

Now, hours later, I listen again carefully, hopefully.

Finally, I hear the call. Not the iconic who-cooks-for-you, but a long warbling call.

Whoot.

I hear Kurt’s breathing change as he moves from sleep to listening again. We’re quiet together, waiting for the next call.

Sometimes it’s distant. Sometimes it’s closer. Usually there are only a few calls and then dark silence. I always imagine mighty wing strokes and flight.

Eventually, the owl calls one more time.

Whoot.

For long minutes afterward, I listen. Tuned to the dark.

Kurt’s breathing eases back into sleep.

I’m still wakeful. My mind wanders. My ears strain for the next call.

Later I hear it, faint and far, far away, on the edges of sleep and sound.

And then, as if comforted somehow, I drift back into sleep.

PF: For Sue

Another Reason to Love the Birds at My Feeder
for Sue

I didn’t speak to you today
or any day for the past almost year.
That tears at me
even while I smile
at the plethora of finches
bursting purple at my feeders. 

I yearn to remind you
how you were the one
who taught me about black oil sunflower seeds–
among so many other things.
How you enriched the view outside my window.
How each bird’s arrival still feels
like a gift from you.
How much I miss you 
every 
single
day. 

©Molly Hogan

Buffy Silverman is hosting this week’s Poetry Friday Roundup with some lovely poems and photographs celebrating the nature she finds around her home. Check out all the goodness here.

PF: Inkling Challenge: Color Poem

What a difference a few months makes! (move the slider back and forth to see each picture in its entirety.

This year I was especially struck by how drastically the palette has changed from winter’s whites, greys and blues to spring’s jewel tones. It seems almost surreal. Sitting in my many-windowed family room these days, I feel saturated in green. Outside, the intensity of green feels fluid, as if the air is filled with chlorophyll. And then there are the flowers, bursting forth hither and yon in bold and breathtaking hues. It amazes me how the same views can change so dramatically from one season to the next. So, when my turn to choose the challenge for the Inklings came around, naturally I suggested a color poem.

After many, many, many false starts, I opted to use Eleen Spinelli’s “If You Want to Find Golden” as a mentor.

If you want to find purple,
step outside and close your eyes.
Feel the breath of blooming lilacs
pulse against your skin.
Listen for the cauldron simmering
at the heart of iris,
where satiny petals amass,
eager to fly amethyst flags.

Open your eyes
to step into spring meadows 
where rising stalks of lupine,
undulate in a riot of purple
across verdant green.
Peer into the heart of shadows
beneath leaf-laden trees
where violet secrets gather.
Linger as day cedes to night,
watercoloring sky and clouds,
if you want to find purple.

©Molly Hogan, draft

If you’d like to see what the other Inklings did with this challenge, click on their names to check out their poems:

Linda Mitchell
Margaret Simon
Heidi Mordhorst
MaryLee Hahn
Catherine Flynn

Tricia is hosting this week’s Poetry Friday Roundup at The Miss Rumphius Effect.

An Unexpected Moment of Joy

It all began with a misunderstanding. Or perhaps mistranslation is more apt.

What she said was, “You can’t dance in the cafeteria. You can dance at recess.”

What they heard, in the mysterious, marvelous alchemy of first and second grade brains, was “Dance off at recess tomorrow!”

But it didn’t end there, because the teacher, a truly wonderful creature, decided to go for it. She later mentioned the impending dance-off to a colleague, a seventh grade teacher, who announced, “I’m in!” and who then raised the stakes by adding, “And I’m doing the worm!” This, of course, guaranteed a seventh grade audience.

The next morning the aforementioned wonderful teacher stationed herself in the hallway, and as the first and second graders filed past, she proclaimed: “Remember! Dance off at recess!”

Of course, I knew none of this as we headed out to recess on Friday. I’d heard a few murmurs about dancing from students as they entered the classroom, but figured they had their own plans for recess. And they did. They just weren’t what I imagined.

When the seventh graders all filed out the door to the playground ahead of my class, I wondered about it. This was not their recess time. I shrugged it off as tired teachers in May + sunny Friday = extra recess. But they didn’t disperse in the typical seventh-grade fashion. Instead, they moved en masse to line up at the edge of the soccer field. Most of the first and second graders headed that way as well.

I tried to see over the wall of seventh grade backs.

What was going on?

I walked to the edge of the field, keeping half an eye on the kids who were on the playground. After all, I was supposed to be on recess duty.

“What’s up?” I asked another teacher.

As she turned to fill me in, music filled the air and we both turned back to the field to look. The kids, and quite a few teachers, had suddenly launched into dance moves all over the soccer field. Arms and legs were flying. Everyone was smiling. I saw some unexpected faces and realized that the resource room teachers had come out to join in the fun, bringing their students along. Teachers and students from across the school laughed and danced together. Cheering erupted as the seventh grade teacher demonstrated her surprising aptitude for “The Worm”. Not to be outdone, several younger students joined in, bucking and squirming across the tender May grass.

Some kids were marvels of coordinated movement and rhythm, and others were whirling dervishes of chaos. I watched several students, whom I knew carried heavy burdens, embrace the magic of the moment, dancing as if they didn’t have a care in the world, their faces radiant. It was all quite wonderful.

For the next twenty minutes, I semi-fulfilled my recess duty responsibilities, while watching kids and teachers, dance, dance, dance. The music, impeccably planned, stopped just when it was time to blow the whistle. As we all headed toward the building, comments floated in the air.

“Did you see my moves?”

“We should do that every day!”

“That was SO.MUCH. FUN!”

It really was fun, but it was so much more than that as well.

I may have pieced together some of the timeline and events inaccurately, and I can’t begin to tell you what music was playing, but I can tell you, I’ll never forget that moment. For twenty minutes, the sun was shining, and there was laughter and music. And within me swelled a sort of fierce joy and a burning determination to nurture and protect these shining little humans and all the good things that happen at school.

It was joyful, uplifting and, quite simply, amazing.

The Gift of a Morning at the Marsh

If you get up now, you could make it to the marsh for sunrise.

I woke around 4 am on Saturday morning, wrapped in my nest of warm blankets. The thought, once it entered my mind, would not be dislodged.

If you get up now, you could make it to the marsh for sunrise.

I had had no intention of making the 5:19 sunrise (a 45 minute drive away) and instead had planned to set out after sunrise to look for warblers. Still, my mind had other ideas and was somewhat insistent.

If you get up now, you can easily make it. You’re already awake. Just do it! You can go to the marsh and then go to the park to look for warblers. You know you won’t regret it! It’ll be beautiful!

It didn’t take too much persuasion. The lure of spending mornings outside with my camera is a strong one for me. So, I shrugged off my blankets and thoughts of writing and a lazy start to the weekend, and happily gave in. I rolled out of bed, quickly brewed my coffee and got my things together. Within 15 minutes I was out the door and on my way to the marsh.

While I love being at the marsh, the early drive down there always offers its own appeal. As the day unfolded around me, it struck me, as it often does, as a gift unwrapping. Bit by bit, it revealed itself. Ribbons of color and cloud unfurled in the sky.The light gradually intensified along the horizon, silvering the tops of rivers. Silhouettes of trees became more distinct as shadows receded. As I drove through the sleeping town of Portland, a shooting star flashed briefly overhead. It felt like another gift and a message: I was in the right place at the right time.

As I got out of my car at the marsh, I marveled at the warmth. The sun still hadn’t risen and the temperatures were hovering around 60˚F! (Last weekend it had been in the 30s and my fingers had been aching with cold!) After a week of sunshine and warmth, everything was lush and full. The air was filled with bird song, the tide was high, and the skies were criss crossed with silhouettes of birds flying solo or in groups. Every salt panne and pond was filled with bird life or mesmerizing reflections of cloud and sky. Every where I looked there was something moving, singing, growing, breathing. The morning was suffused with beauty, and I was lucky enough to be out there in the midst of it, thankful for the gift of it all.

Bright Spots

It never fails to surprise me how hard it is to write a Slice of Life post once a week after meeting the March daily writing challenge of 31 slices in a row. I can certainly come up with excuses (much easier than slice topics!), but the bottom line is that it’s May 9, and after 31 days of March writing, I haven’t written a slice since. Yikes.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about bright spots and how important it is to notice and focus on them. Every day has such moments if your “antennae” are tuned to that channel. Early one morning last week I stepped outside to head to work and spied clusters of water droplets on the newly emerged leaves of my lady’s mantles. I stopped to look closer.

I was stunned by the perfection of the small orbs, like glowing jewels along the edges of the unfolding leaf. That image stayed with me throughout the day. Just a small moment, but a powerful reminder.

It strikes me that writing slices about those bright spots is a great practice to take up. Pretty similar to gratitude I suppose, and perhaps a way to ease back into the pool of weekly writing.

One of the biggest bright spots in the past year has been my daughter and her partner moving into the area after years in Philadelphia. Last week I found myself unexpectedly out of school early and near their apartment. I knew Milo would be home studying for finals. I had been carrying something around in my car for them, so I called to ask if I could drop it off.

“Sure,” they said. “Do you want to go for a walk? It’s so pretty out!”

After torrential downpours and howling winds, the day had turned into a beauty. A welcome change from the recent flow of grey, dreary still-chilly days. No one else knew where I was. No one needed me to be anywhere else. What a luxury!

So, we walked with their dog, Cal, along the river, exclaiming over the torrents of water. We chatted about this and that. Stopped to talk to other pedestrians. Chaperoned a few dog encounters. Nothing remarkable, really. Just sharing time and space on a beautiful day.

But oh, what a gift! A bright spot indeed!

NPM: PF: On the perils of misunderstanding idioms

It’s funny how the mind works, isn’t it? My mind was on quite a ramble this morning. I was thinking about PF and how I haven’t participated in weeks. I figured this week wouldn’t be much different, as I haven’t been writing much. Then, I was remembering a comment I made to my writing group about trying to write something “light and sprightly” after I’d shared yet another pair of somber, dark poems. I like the word “sprightly” and the sound of it, so I jotted down a bunch of “ight” words in my notebook.

Next, my thoughts turned to my after school Writing Club. This past Monday we started talking about favorite Shel Silverstein poems. Someone mentioned the one about the person who lost their head and ended up giving up looking for it and sitting on it. Another student looked horrified: She clearly was not familiar with the poem. So, of course, we had to dig out “Where the Sidewalk Ends” and share that poem with her, along with a few select others. And I was thinking about how joyful that was and how timeless Shel Silverstein is.

My thoughts wandered along and perhaps “Someone Ate the Baby” (another epic Silverstein poem) was percolating in there somewhere (though we hadn’t shared it), because the phrase “I want to eat you all up!” and potential misunderstandings popped into my head. Somehow it combined with some of those “ight” words and suddenly there was a limerick in my head. It isn’t light and sprightful, but writing it made me giggle. I hope you enjoy it as well.

On the perils of misunderstanding idioms

There once was a baby delightful.
Everyone said they wanted a biteful.
As they cuddled and oohed,
I snuck in and chewed.
And now they all think I am frightful.

©Molly Hogan

Poetry Friday this week is hosted by Ruth at There is no such thing as a God-forsaken town. Make sure to stop by to enjoy some poetry as National Poetry Month winds down.

NPM: Playing Along

It’s been an intense week or so for me. I’ve been immersed in life stuff rather than writing stuff and that has directly impacted how much I’ve written. Ah, well. At any rate, I’m dipping my toes into the NPM water again with another response to Laura Purdie Salas’s NPM project. Today she posted her five possible topics: East, West, South, North, Compass Directions and a pool of words to work with.

Two very different poems emerged from my notebook scribbling. For both poems I took liberties by not requiring all words in the title to be in topic or in the word pool. A very short poem first:

In all directions

delirious blue sky
crushes finite

©Molly Hogan

And then a poem in which I took the license of repeating one of the word choices, though I’m not sure that’s “allowed”. I’m quickly realizing that the beauty of playing someone else’s “game” is that the rules feel more flexible! :

It’s all heading South

Go away, frantic fears–
hot mist monkeys
playing in my mind!
Go! Go! Go!

©Molly Hogan

I am totally fascinated by the idea of hot mist monkeys, but please remember, not all poems are autobiographical. 😉