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SOLC Day 22: In the wee hours

March 2024 SOLC–Day 22
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

It’s 1:53 am.

I’m snuggled in a nest of blankets, warm and cozy. The cat is curled atop them, between me and my husband. I feel her legs twitching madly in her sleep, and wonder idly if her dreams are pleasant or disturbed. Is she running toward something or running away?

Moments from yesterday drift through my mind, like a reel of bloopers at the end of a movie. Funny moments. Concerning ones. Mistakes. Triumphs.

It’s been a long, long week, and the last two weekends have been held hostage by work overflow. All the regular culprits–report cards and comments, conference prep, regular planning, etc. Thank goodness it’s Friday, with a weekend to follow. I’m ready for the break. I just need to get through today. Ew. I don’t like thinking that way–wishing a day away–but there it is.

The windows rattle with a gust of wind. It’s so cold outside. Recess duty will not be pleasant today! They’re forecasting snow for Saturday. Up to half a foot! We should go grocery shopping tonight. Maybe we can make soup. I know I have some good bread in the freezer. Depending on the roads, we might have to wait to get our tax information to the accountant until Sunday…Ugh, I still need to pull all of that together. Do I even have everything? Do I know where it is? I need to read over the new reading unit this weekend, and prepare to launch it next week. The new writing unit will follow all too shortly afterward. I feel the weekend slipping away, and sense the onslaught of the coming weeks looming. How many weeks is it until spring break? Didn’t we just have a break?

I sigh and pull the covers up around me. Take a deep breath. Roll over and find a comfortable position.

I hear Kurt breathing softly beside me. Through the covers, I can feel the weight and warmth of the cat. She is resting peacefully now. Her nighttime adventures are a thing of the past.

Outside, the wind still howls intermittently, rattling about. Slight drafts curl in around the edges of the windows in our old home. But I’m safe. I’m warm. I still have hours to sleep.

And so I do.

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SOLC Day 21: Spring is coming?

March 2024 SOLC–Day 21
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

Spring is Coming! Spring?

What I planned to post this morning:

purple crocuses
amidst damp and dun grass
promise unfolding

What I saw outside the windows this morning:

Light creeps up
a sudden dawning–
It snowed last night!
©Molly Hogan

Time to rethink today’s shoe choice…

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SOLC Day 20: A Dose of Calm

March 2024 SOLC–Day 20
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

Last Saturday I woke early. I knew I wanted to drive to the marsh for sunrise. After a hectic week of report cards, I needed a dose of calm. The forecast had promised fog and it delivered.

I arrived to a shrouded world. Objects faded in and out of sight as I walked. The puddles seemed to offer portals to other worlds.

I was wrapped in quiet, my view limited to what was immediately around me. The horizon held its secrets close. After the busy, stimulation of the week, this limited focus was a balm.

Occasionally, a faint shadow appeared in the distant fog. Eventually, it resolved into another person. We’d pass with a nod or a hello. Then I’d be back to reveling in the solitude, hearing only the far off calls of birds– mostly sea gulls, and geese and the repeated joyful serenades of the song sparrows.

Finally, the sun gained an edge over the fog, and blue patches of sky emerged.

It was time for me to leave.

I left feeling grateful, carrying the calm of the morning within me.

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SOLC Day 19: Conferences

March 2024 SOLC–Day 19
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

Careening through the days
One after another
Never enough time for planning, for sleeping, for a
Full breath or a short pause
Everyone is scurrying,
Run ragged, until…
Each family arrives with their child,
Nervous or excited, and we talk.
Celebrating growth and success
Envisioning next steps
Sitting and sharing together

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SOLC Day 18: A grounding exercise

March 2024 SOLC–Day 18
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

Last week, Rob Walker’s post appeared in my Inbox. It was entitled, “Attention vs. Anxiety” In it he talked a bit about the relationship between attention and anxiety, and shared a prompt that can address both, by grounding you in the moment. It’s called a 5-4-3-2-1 prompt and I realized this morning, when I woke up, already wound tight about the week of teaching and conferences ahead, that I could use something grounding.

5 things you see:

  1. The cat’s eyes peer through the window. It’s still dark out, but the interior light spills out and she’s clearly visible. A ball of furred want and need. She does this all day long –begs to get out and then pleads to return. I let her in, knowing that I can’t focus with those eyes staring at me, even when I try not to make contact. Soon she’ll be clawing to get out again.
  2. The overhead light in the kitchen spills interesting striped shadows through the back of the island chairs. They contort from floor, over radiator, and partway up the wall.
  3. The outdoor plant I opted to make a houseplant is blooming. The petals are lilac-hued, veined with deep purple and they have a soft yellow center.The initial buds are tiny, spiraling up on a long stalk, and then the showy blossom emerges. It’s inconceivable how it was all tucked away in such a tiny space.
  4. A picture of my three young children in Mexico is propped on my desk. They are all independent adults now. I take a moment to trace their long-ago features with my eyes. Drink in the sight of them. Feel pulled from the here into the then.
  5. The shell on my desk is half hidden behind the action figure of John Smith of Disney Pocahontas fame. My children played for hours with the latter. I can almost hear the refrain of “Colors of the Wind” as I remember. The shell, collected long ago from some beach, was once a home. Now, my eyes often linger on its spiral, following its path over and over.

4 things you feel:

  1. Beneath me, the hard wooden contour of the chair supports my weight. It must be a thankless job to be a chair.
  2. My coffee mug, heavy in my hands, radiates warmth. I pause momentarily to feel it seep into my palms, then put it down and return to typing.
  3. The air is cool on my cheeks. We didn’t stoke the fire last night, so it’s chillier than usual in the room.
  4. My robe is warm and soft against my neck. It was a gift from my son and daughter-in-law. It was one of those things you didn’t even know you wanted which then becomes indispensable. The best kind of gift.

3 things you hear:

  1. The burning wood, wet from some recent rains, is whistling in the wood stove. A mini steam kettle in action.
  2. Our other cat passes behind me, her nails click click click on the wooden floor. There’s a sudden rollicking galloping thumping as the two cats briefly chase and tumble through the room.
  3. From the kitchen I hear the steady tick tick tick of the clock. (It doesn’t make me feel grounded.)

2 things you smell:

  1. There’s a whiff of sulphur in the air, from the match I struck not too long ago to light the fire.
  2. The scent of coffee lingers. From the pot. From the cup beside me. I realize that coffee, brewing in the morning, fulfills all these sensory categories.

1 thing you taste:

  1. Ah, yes, coffee. I take another sip of my strong coffee, splashed with some milk, and savor it. It’s mostly decaffeinated, but still I anticipate that first sip every morning. It’s taste will linger until I wash it away with a bubble and scrub of mint toothpaste. Another flavor to savor.

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SOLC Day 17: Weed or Flower?

March 2024 SOLC–Day 17
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

For six or seven years now, I’ve submitted a few poems to a weekly column in the Maine Sunday Telegram. This column, entitled Deep Water, highlights poems about Maine or by Maine writers or publishers. Every year I’ve received my rejection letter encouraging me to try again. And I do.

Many years ago, after reading Stephen King’s “On Writing”, I began celebrating my rejections, as evidence of my effort and the tenacity of repeated submission. My husband has learned to say “Congratulations!” whenever I mention a rejection. My writing group does this, too. In fact, one of them just shared a great, related article this week.

As I was writing this post, it occurred to me that a rejected poem or piece of writing is a lot like a weed. It’s just a flower growing in the wrong place. Who said that anyway? It turns out that a lot of people have claimed this line, or a close variation of it, but most often it’s attributed to George Washington Carver. While checking that out on Google, I found another pertinent quote.

All of my rejected poems are rather like a bouquet of weeds. A rejection doesn’t fundamentally change them, or make them unworthy. It might simply mean they weren’t in the right place at the right time. It’s someone’s judgement at that moment and in that context. Just think of the “lowly” dandelion, that master of tenacity! Some people spend hours trying to obliterate them from their yard, yet, drooping and bedraggled in the generous fist of a child, they are transformed into a treasured gift. To a bee, a dandelion is manna. To a pristine lawn lover, a persistent invader. To a photographer, a fascinating subject. Same flower, different judgements.

So, last June, I received a letter informing me that one of my submitted poems to “Deep Water” had been accepted and would be published on March 17th. I was over the moon. But bear in mind, this poem had already been rejected as a weed elsewhere. This time, apparently it landed in the right place, at the right time. The same exact weed was suddenly deemed a flower.

I’m sharing this poem here, because I am delighted it was accepted. It is a heady pleasure to have someone else judge your work as worthy. Still, going forward, I’ve decided to combine my rejections and acceptances in a larger bouquet. I like the look of it. Truth be told, when they’re all gathered together, it’s hard to tell the flowers from the weeds.

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SOLC Day 16: In need of a brain break

March 2024 SOLC–Day 16
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

I have tons of things I could write about today–peaceful moments, funny ones, two very different walks, lots of photos, and more. It seemed like there were readily slice-able moments all day long! But I’ve been putting off writing all day, and I still really, really, really don’t feel like writing (which is highly unusual.) So, I’m yielding. I’m going to go pour myself a glass of red wine and read a book by the fire. I think after 15 days of slicing and masses of PD this week on top of our regular school schedule, I just need a brain break.

There once was a slicer who thought
about writing her blog, but had nought.
Neurons wouldn’t fire
her thoughts to inspire.
She was in a bit of a tough spot.

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SOLC Day 15: One Bold Decision Set the Tone

March 2024 SOLC–Day 15
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

Should I? I hestitated. Would I regret it later? Was this premature?

After a few minutes of indecision, I opted to firmly step in to the Land of Optimism and went for it. It was March in Maine with a forecast for a sunny day with temps in the high 40s or low 50s. Time to show some skin! Decision made, I was all over it and feeling pretty sassy about it, too. It was a bold move, and I think it might have set the tone for the whole day:

Yesterday, I wore pants… with sneakers…and NO socks!

Yup, I was sporting naked ankles.

Then, while eating my Cheerios and granola, I suddenly decided that I wanted to show a little gratitude to my amazing teammates. After some thought, I decided I could get to the grocery store at 7 am and still be at school before 7:30. I slowed down my morning to get the timing just right. I hit the store at opening and came back out with cheerful yellow begonias and salted caramel dark chocolate bars in hand. I was back in my car and on the way to school in no time. Driving in, I watched the sun rise and bopped along to the music on the radio. My spirits were locked into happy!

I momentarily pondered what was causing this unusually good mood. Maybe because it was a relatively chill day ahead at school? Maybe it was because it was a fake Friday, with a PD day today, which meant a night with no planning? Or maybe Daylight Savings isn’t totally evil and the increased sun and activity at the end of the past few days was having a positive effect? Whatever the reason, I decided to ride the wave. I felt great and it was going to be a super day!

I got to work later than usual, dropping off the spontaneous gifts on my colleagues’ desks on the way in. Once in my classroom, I reached into my bag to pull out my computer, ready to get to work.

Whoa! What?

My computer was hot! I mean hot! hot! Really hot!

Oh no! This can’t be good!

I pulled it out of the case and opened it.

Nothing happened.

I pushed a few buttons hopefully. Then a little more forecefully.

Waited.

Waited.

Waited.

Nothing happened. The screen remained ominously dark.

What happened?!? I just used it before I left for school! … deep breath…Ok, I’ll just close it for a minute and do a couple of other things and then check back.

So, I bustled about writing my morning message, changing the date, etc. Amazingly, although I was concerned, I was not freaking out. The mood was a little shaky but holding!

Eventually, after some more opening and closing and button pushing, I had to concede my computer was not going to turn on without either divine intervention or at least the assistance of our Amazing Tech Guy. I called him and when he didn’t pick up, I left a pleading message. After a little while, I hunted him down.

Our Amazing Tech Guy was able to get my computer on, but wanted to migrate all my files, etc. from my relatively old (and definitely worrisome) computer to a new one. I agreed to leave my computer with him for the day, but wanted to check my e-mail and the morning message from the office first. I scrolled through quickly noting messages/reminders and who was out and who had subs for meetings.

What?!

There was my name listed for an IEP in the afternoon.

I don’t have an IEP today! My thoughts scrambled.

Oh, no! Did I? I knew I had one coming up…and it was on a Thursday…could I have gotten the date wrong?

My good mood was starting to bruise a bit. It had honestly been given quite a work out already.

Thinking hard, I realized I was pretty sure my colleague, also named Molly, had mentioned having an IEP today. The office probably mixed up our names. Ridiculously, there are four staff members named Molly at my school. Ironically, the woman in charge of Morning News is one of them. A quick trip to the office confirmed the mistake.

Phew!

Pretty soon, I was back in my classroom with a back-up computer to use for the day, a plan to get a new computer, and my good mood relatively intact.

It even survived a lice visit later in the day.

I really think it all started with those naked ankles.

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SOLC Day 14: Vignettes from the Classroom

March 2024 SOLC–Day 14
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

Vignette Number 1:
I leaned in close to check in with C. who was engrossed in his book, Ricky Ricotta’s Mighty Robot.

“So, have you figured out what the problem is yet?” I asked.

“Yes,” he replied, “Dr. Stinky is trying to destroy the city.”

He suddenly paused, as if struck with an idea, then continued, “Wait! Maybe Dr. Stinky was bullied as a child… and that’s why he was trying to destroy the city!”

Vignette #2:
At the end of the day K. approached me as I was watching the computer for dismissals.

“Mrs. Hogan, do you want me to show you the chicken dance?”

“Sure!” I turned away from the computer to watch.

K. took a step or two backward, paused and took a dramatic deep breath. Then he scratched one foot on the ground. Then he scratched his other foot on the ground. Next, he bobbed his head back and forth a few times. He stopped moving and grinned at me.

“Wow, K. Did you learn that from someone, or did you make it up?”

“Oh, I made it up,” he stated proudly. Then he strutted away.

Vignette 3:
This last one isn’t my story, but it’s just too sweet not to share.

A colleague was walking down the hall and saw a first grader standing outside of an empty classroom looking a bit lost.

“Do you need some help?” she asked her.

“Yes, I’m looking for my soulmates.”

“Do you mean your classmates?” asked my colleague.

“Yes.”

Teaching elementary school offers so many sweet rewards!

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SOLC Day 13: To go, or not to go, that is the question

March 2024 SOLC–Day 13
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

The question arose early in the day.

Should I go or not?

Last week I had started an exercise class on Tuesdays and Thursdays from. 5:30-6:30 pm. Somehow it was Tuesday already. Funny how that happens.

I relatively enjoyed the class last Tuesday, and actually felt good after going. I had totally planned on going again. The problem was that after exercising on both Tuesday and Thursday night last week, I couldn’t sleep. At all. Before starting the class, I had dimly remembered that exercising in the evenings had been a problem for me in the past, but hadn’t thought too much about it. Until dragging myself through last Wednesday and Friday. I’d already started investigating alternative classes at other local YMCA’s, but hadn’t found the perfect fix yet.

Now, two days into Daylight Savings Hangover Time, I was already exhausted. The thought of adding a night of restless sleep to that mix was daunting, especially if I could possibly avoid it. I have enough problems with interrupted sleep already!

So, when I stepped outside into a beautiful, albeit blustery, afternoon, I texted Kurt:

Isn’t he cute? 

Anyway, the whole way home I debated–Should I go to class or walk? Will I still walk if Kurt doesn’t want to? Am I just rationalizing to avoid the class? (I am very, very good at talking myself into or out of something.) How do I know if I’m  making a reasonable choice or just avoiding something that I don’t feel motivated to do?

I started thinking in bullet points:
If I go to class…

  • I’ll be developing that habit.
  • I’ll feel good about going. 
  • I’ll be doing some weight bearing exercise.
  • The instructor will know I’m not a quitter. (I  know, this is so ridiculous, but I did think along those lines.)
  • I may very well not sleep well. ACK!

If I walk instead…

  • I’ll spend time outside, and it is lovely out.
  • I’ll spend time with Kurt (even if he is a jerk– lol)
  • I’ll still get exercise.
  • I’ll hopefully be able to sleep.
  • I will have an extra 45 minutes of time that won’t be spent driving to and from class.
  • Oh, by not driving, I won’t pollute as much. (I realized I was starting to reach here.)

By the time I got home, I was totally unsure if I was rationalizing or not, but I had decided to go walking instead of going to class. 

Happily, Kurt joined me and we went for a brisk 3 mile walk down to the river and back. 

I’m still not sure if it was the best choice or not, but I mostly feel good about it. 

I’m still wondering how to determine if I’m  making excuses or good arguments. (Any tips?)

And I still don’t know if I’m going to class this Thursday or not.