SOLC 2018–Day 8: Weather Sadist

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March 2018 SOLC–Day 8
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Have you noticed the pattern? Five or six days out there’s a fair amount of snow forecast. Everyone perks up at school, like dogs scenting squirrels. Snow day!?! Then, over the next few days, the forecasted snowfall totals move up and down, until finally the chance of snow evaporates… Until it reappears a few days later, about five days out.

Random pattern? I don’t think so! No, I’m pretty convinced that there’s a sadist who works in the weather department. I even think he may have been the one to come up with the idea of publishing a 10-day extended forecast. It gives him more range for his evil.

Here’s how I think it goes. At about 5 or 6 days out in winter, he plants the first seed. Rubbing his hands gleefully together, he slips in a forecast for snow, maybe 5-8 inches. I can just imagine the malicious gleam in his eye. Throughout the next few days, he manipulates that. A few inches up, a few inches down. He gets his thrills imagining teacher conversations. He  may even use his hands as puppets and speak his imagined dialogues aloud.

Hand one, falsetto: “Oh, do you think there’ll be a snow day next Tuesday?”

Hand two,  whiney falsetto: “It was 5-8 inches yesterday. Now it’s down to 3-5. I just don’t know…”

Hand one, despairingly: “Oh, nooooooooo!”

As the days pass, he plans and manipulates. He threads in just enough uncertainty to spice things up. “A slight change in the forecasted path could affect these totals…” or “There’s some disagreement among weather models…” 

Finally, one or two days ahead, he switches the forecast to 1-3 inches, or even to the dreaded < 1 inch, plummeting teacher hopes and dreams. When I see that forecast change, I swear I can hear maniacal laughter in the background.

“Bwahhh hah hah!!!”

But, not today. Today, I imagine the weather sadist sulking amidst his computers and weather reports, wringing his hands while teachers rejoice. For today is a 100% full fledged snow day!

16 thoughts on “SOLC 2018–Day 8: Weather Sadist

  1. terierrol says:

    I loved reading this – I have had these same exact thoughts about the weather people. Do they get paid to lie? We are off today too. Enjoy yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. dmsherriff says:

    What an innovative slice! “As the days pass, he plans and manipulates. He threads in just enough uncertainty to spice things up” I love this line – really lets me know just who this character is! Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A snow day, indeed. And it’s the super wet, heavy, heart-attack stuff, too! I often say that if I made that many mistakes in my job I’d be out of work! I have to say, though, that I have found one meteorologist, David Epstein, who I trust implicitly. He’s a Mainer originally, so he gets it. He splits his time between Maine and Mass. You might like to check him out at http://www.growingwisdom.com/.

    Liked by 1 person

    • mbhmaine says:

      As much as I grumble, I actually kind of enjoy the ups and downs on the meteorological roller coaster ride to a potential snow day. They make for some impassioned conversations at school! I will check out David Epstein though. Thanks for the link.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hahaha! Love this idea!
    Our weathermen were unable to call the storm properly. They said we’d get 0-18” of snow. (Quite a range, right?) We got nothing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • mbhmaine says:

      Thanks for reading and commenting, Stacey. I’m so glad you stopped by and enjoyed this, but I also feel guilty that you’re typing! I hope you’re not overdoing it!

      Like

  5. Sad or happy to say we have 12″+ of nasty, heavy, wet, unshovelable, need the plow snow in York. It’s March. It’ll melt. All is good.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m so glad you got your snow day! Enjoy!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. cindaroo42 says:

    haha! “the dreaded <1 inch!" You capture this so wonderfully and I love your image of the evil weatherman manically laughing to himself! My favorite part is when they give the absurd ranges like 2-8 inches! HA! Enjoy your day today!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Ha Ha Ha

    Weather sadist? You have a gift of words.

    Purple finches? Oh, how I would welcome them. Good to know you all had a snow day. Did you made a snow man or hunkered down with a cup of coffee and a book (no you definitely had a snow day from grading papers as well 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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