SOLC 2018–Day 31: Pet Peeves of Aging

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March 2018 SOLC–Day 31
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

The challenge ends today. I’m another month older, and hopefully another month wiser. This morning after a glance in the mirror at my sleep-creased face, I started thinking about getting older.  Mostly I’m ok with it (I mean the alternatives aren’t great!), but there are a few areas that bug me.

1. Hair. I’m fine with gray hair, but who decided that renegade hairs should start appearing in odd places and grow exponentially?  Even when vigilant about checking, I can find a robust black hair a half inch long protruding from my face or neck. It’s appalling! I can’t help but wonder how many other people have seen that hair and thought, “Gee, I wonder why she doesn’t pluck that?” I’ve already warned my children that I’m going to draw them a map of all the likely spots for those hairs, and when I’m in the nursing home, unaware, it will be their job to pluck them.

imgres-2.jpg2. My skin. Why didn’t I appreciate my skin when it was flexible and smooth?  Now I have thigh skin that cascades over my knees and after four babies, the skin on my stomach resembles that of a sharpei. Sigh. Dimples and dents have replaced peaches and cream.

3. Grooves. I can  handle wrinkles–those character lines that fan out from my eyes or bracket my smile. But who decided to put a canyon between my eyebrows? Actually, it’s two canyons!  Do I really frown that much or constantly furrow my brow?  I think I’m generally a happy person, but these deep, abiding frown lines make me doubt myself. And what’s up with that new charming horizontal line between my upper lip and nose?images.jpg

4. Changes in Memory. I swear I spend half my time continuing to walk down hallways or into rooms hoping that I’ll see something that will jar the memory of my original intent. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes it doesn’t. And don’t even get me started on word retrieval! Thank God I now have a trove of slices that can remind me what happened during this past month.

Writing about memory, reminded me of an aging-related poem I wrote a few years ago. Ending with that seems like the perfect segue from this month’s challenge to Poetry April.

Happy Writing and thanks to all for a most memorable month!

The Battle

There once was a hair on my chin
undetected when first it grew in
I noticed it there
Adrift in the air
And yanked it out with great chagrin.

Another one grew on my cheek.
(It happened in less than a week!)
I pulled that one too
without great ado
But with a full bellicose shriek.

It’s said that in some far-flung places
Facial hair adorns women’s faces
But I can’t sport a ‘stache
with elan or panache
I vow to remove any traces.

My tweezers now flash through the air
Extracting each invading hair
There is not a thing cute
’bout my face so hirsute
I battle with growing despair.

Each day my reflection as mirrored
Shows renegade hairs have appeared
My expression is grim
As I tweeze and I trim
Not resigned to displaying a beard.

I continue the gods to implore
to vanquish these whiskers galore
They’re more apt to dispatch
A peach-fuzzy soul patch
I win battles but never the war.

Molly Hogan (c) 2016

 

 

 

22 thoughts on “SOLC 2018–Day 31: Pet Peeves of Aging

  1. Kathleen Neagle Sokolowski says:

    Oh Molly- that poem! It’s fabulous. The rhythm of it and the rhyme reminds me of the Ninja books by Corey Rosen Schwartz (my favorite to read to my kids). Stray hairs are horrendous but this made me laugh! Thank you for being part of this challenge and all you did to make our community grow!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your slice today made me chuckle. I agree with it all; aging isn’t so bad, except for all of the stuff that happens to our appearance. I love the line about drawing a map for your children to peruse your unwanted hairs when you are in “the home.” I’ll definitely steal that one! Thanks for all your posts this month. I look forward to seeing you on Tuesdays.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. aggiekesler says:

    Your poem had me giggling! Aging is certainly fun, particularly when your mind feels much younger, but like you said, it’s better than the alternative!!

    Well done on making it through the month. Now what’s poetry month?!?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Your poem made me snort with repressed hilarity. That deserves to be published in some illustrated book for adults. Guffaw!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. margaretsmn says:

    A laugh out loud post! We must be close to the same age because I’m right there with you. My furrow has grown into a canyon. I find chin hairs that have curled under my chin. I can’t believe you wrote a whole rhyming poem about those awful facial hairs. I refuse to get any kind of surgery, but I’ve invested in a plethora of creams, brightening, conditioning, retinol, eye miracle cream, … hoping to stop any more wrinkles. Good luck with your battle against aging.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. cindaroo42 says:

    Bravo! I love you description about these naughty hairs and wrinkles- as if they are doing it on purpose, out to get you! Congrats on finishing SOLC!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Adrienne says:

    You summed it all up so nicely, and made me laugh. I don’t have the canyon between my eyebrows yet, but I’m sure it is coming soon. The most important thing to pack when I travel: my tweezers!

    Liked by 1 person

    • mbhmaine says:

      Tweezers are indeed high on the packing list these days! The worst is when I discover a rogue hair at work and can’t pluck it til I get home. Maybe I should consider carrying emergency tweezers in my purse…

      Like

  8. terierrol says:

    It has been so much fun reading your slices. And I love the poem. I never thought I’d be this old with such foibles! But, yes, the alternative is worse.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Jen Driggers says:

    Oh your poem was so fabulous. I was giggling even though I know those hairs are nothing to laugh about but you put the humor in it!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Robbie Yates says:

    That poem was incredible. Good luck with the war against cheeky migrating hairs!

    Like

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