This morning it struck me that I’m always hurrying. At least during the work week. This, no doubt, is not news to those around me. In fact, I can anticipate almost hearing the sound of my husband’s eyebrows shooting upward in shock when he reads this. Then, I expect to hear something along the lines of, “Wait! You’re kidding right? You really just realized this?!” (In fact, if you live within bordering towns, you might also hear him when he says this.)
At any rate, many years ago I started getting up very early before work so that I didn’t have to rush. It was quiet. I could write. I could get myself oriented to the coming day. I loved it!
But somehow this morning, it struck me that I’ve somehow managed to fill that part of my day up. It’s like a tetris screen full of blocks with no space for anything else to drop in.
I get up at 4:45 am, start the coffee and do the morning chores (feed the cats, stoke the wood stove, etc). Within 10-15 minutes of rolling out of bed, I’m sitting at my desk. I always start my day by writing in my notebook for 20-30 minutes or so. I’m often noodling around with writing challenges or prompts, too. Then, I try to read and comment on others’ writing. I respond to comments on my blog. I check my e-mails. Then there are a few beloved word games (Wordle, Connections and Spelling Bee) that suck up a few minutes. (I count that as time dedicated to slowing down mental decay.) I shower and get dressed. Then, while I’m eating breakfast, I read a chapter of whatever book I’ve designated as a morning book. (Right now it’s Margaret Renkl’s The Comfort of Crows: A Backyard Year which is fabulous!) Finally, I’m out the door by about 6:15 or 6:30 am, typically filling the bird feeders on my way to the car, and zipping off to work.
I cherish my morning time, and love all that I do during that time, but it really has become one big long rush. I’m stunned that I honestly hadn’t realized that until today.
So now I’m left with a lot questions: Is there any point in getting up at 4:45 am if it just means I’ll be rushing around for the next 11-12 hours? Do I want to change things? If so, what am I willing to change? I know I can’t get up any earlier, so how can I regain that feeling of morning spaciousness? That freedom of uncluttered time? What can shift or move?
I have a few thoughts, but for now, I’m still processing my realization and pondering…
Nix the comfort zone 
You ask a series of really good questions. I hope you can land on a design that allows for more slow time.
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It was just so odd to realize how busy this time has become. It’s all good things, but still…
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P.s. thanks for the title. You’re the second person to recommend this book! 📖
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It’s soooo good and perfect for picking up and enjoying in bits and pieces.
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You just described my dilemma. I’ve filled my morning space too. I get up at 5:30 and try to take a walk before the shower and school. I am always rushing. It’s all necessary goodness. What will you give up?
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I’ll let you know when I figure it out! lol I’m thinking of maybe reshuffling a bit…
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Molly, I love imagining your husband asking that question so loud for the neighboring towns to hear. That made me laugh, as your posts so often do. I hope you can find the spacious mornings again. (Spacious is such a great word. I’m taking that with me today.)
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I love the idea of time being spacious and it so rarely feels that way!
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First, thanks for the book suggestion. The Comfort of Crows: A Backyard Year is in fact on the shelves at the Carpinteria Community Library. I will get this morning.
Second, your morning routine has elements of mine. I read from the Daily Word, page-a-day National Geographic calendar, my latest book – Chris Norman’s “The Grateful Road,” (self-published), journal, Wordle, 30 minutes of stretches, then in California an hour walk to the Carpinteria Seal Sanctuary. But there is one HUGE difference. I am retired and nothing feels rushed. Major beauty of retirement. I rarely have to squeeze things in.
Ergo, I love your early morning, wouldn’t change it for it feeds you to be one of America’s heroes. The self-contained public school teacher!
Your time will come.
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I think you’ll love Margaret Renkl’s book–I thought of you and Hannah when reading it. Please let me know what you think. I’m slowly savoring it–reading a chapter or two on most school mornings. It’s so beautifully written. Ann Patchett’s cover comment, describing it as “A howling love letter to the world”, is spot on!
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I savor the short chapters. I hope to write a review for the Carpinteria View News. Not so much reading this week vacation week in New England as our daughter’s family is here for the week.
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Enjoy the time with your family!
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It’s surprisingly easy not to realize things. Good luck figuring out what works for you! xo
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Thanks, Tabatha. I have a few thoughts…
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