If you’re looking for a laugh or a light post, this isn’t the place to find that. If you’re trying to avoid politics, you might want to skip this post. But I’m tired of watching what I say. The time for that is past. The reality is that it’s impossible to tear my mind away from the news, even when I try not to follow it. Even when I try to create, the darkness creeps in. So, this post may be disjointed, and it may be somewhat incoherent. But it feels like it reflects my reality right now, and even though I am hesitant to press publish…well, if you’re reading this, I guess I just went ahead and did it.
This morning I read Brad Montague’s post entitled “Empathy is Dangerous“. I thought it must be sarcastic, and I guess, in a sense, it was. But it was also deeply disturbing. Apparently, the latest trend is to suggest that there is danger in being empathetic. That empathy is being weaponized. What?!? When I looked into this a bit further, I saw quite a few 3-4 year old articles supporting the view that empathy is problematic. That it’s somehow dangerous to try to relate to how others experience the world. I really can’t wrap my head around this.
This reminded me of the Rodgers and Hammerstein song, “You’ve Got to Be Carefully Taught.” One of the verses goes like this:
“You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late,
Before you are six or seven or eight,
To hate all the people your relatives hate—
You’ve got to be carefully taught!”
Apparently some things haven’t changed much since this song was published in 1949.
In my Facebook feed today, there was a picture of Ruby Bridges. You know the name, right? She’s the woman who as a child was the first black to integrate a southern all-white school. She’s only 70 years old. How can that be? It feels like that should be ancient history. Clearly, oh so clearly, it isn’t.
I’m participating in a Facebook group poetry challenge this month. The theme is space and today’s prompt invited us to tell about “a thing or things you have, or know of, that used to be in a different space/place.” For some reason, I thought about a place where I once saw a fox, and wrote this poem:
A Waiting Space
Each time I pass
the bend in the road
where once I saw a fox
and the fox saw me,
I slow down to look
I’ve never seen it there again
but I’m now tuned
to its frequency
so if I keep looking
perhaps someday I will
©Molly Hogan, draft
A friend commented “This is what hope looks like.”
If you think of it in a different way, I suspect this is what despair looks like as well–the continual search for something that is no longer there.
These days, I’m looking at a dark space in our country’s history, where things have changed rapidly in a terrifying fashion. Or perhaps they haven’t changed so much as have been made more visible. I’m not sure which is more disturbing. The mandates and orders coming from the current government are ill-conceived and often illegal and unconstitutional. There is no empathy there. There is hatred. And so much greed.
I keep looking into the abyss of a space that once was, or at least seemed to be, a place where there was at lease some respect for the rule of law, for our constitution and for its careful balance of power.
I keep looking, but I’m not feeling hopeful.
Nix the comfort zone 
I feel the same way. I am trying to balance being informed with being overwhelmed. Hopeful is one thing I am not.
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It is so hard to remain balanced. I told my husband I feel like I’m giving myself whiplash!
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I have been journaling about troubling political issues of late but as of yet, I have not shared them publicly as I work in higher education and my students inevitably find everything I write!
The articles about empathy being a problem, however, shake me to my core and scare me about the future. It makes me wonder if right and wrong has become blurred as in the NYC situation whether a mayor has been absolved of a crime for a political favor?
I have been trying to hold onto hope such as the hope at the bottom of Pandora’s box. It is getting harder and harder.
For what it is worth, EMPATHY is at the heart of the human experience in my opinion.
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I am more thankful than ever that I work with elementary school kids. I feel strongly that one of the most important parts of my job is to nurture empathetic little human beings!
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I’m standing firmly on the side of hope. Maybe hope doesn’t work for big things like our government will be returned to a democracy in our lifetimes, but hope still works for little things that get us through to tomorrow: a world that still contains foxes, the warmth of the sun on the back door, the energy and authenticity of children, dinner with friends, a courteous driver who lets me merge, a brave writer who looks her fears in the face and names them. We’ll get through all of this. Together.
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Here’s to all the little things that are hopeful–and thanks for the reminder not to forget there are big things, too, like supportive friends and warm, welcoming writing communities!
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Molly, thank you for your words, which are intriguing in the fox poem – I see hope – from the fb prompt [A Waiting Space] & helpful otherwise. I see hope because I know foxes find the mouse/snake/quail quarry hunting, perhaps no longer pausing at that crossroads…
Many groups are challenging unconstitutionality. Many people are helping people. I have to balance my absorption of what I find unacceptable with good news, such as this recently from GoodNewsNetwork
https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/michael-jordan-opens-another-health-clinic-in-home-state-of-north-carolina-four-clinics-now-serve-the-uninsured/?utm_campaign=newsletters&utm_medium=weekly_mailout&utm_source=18-02-2025
It’s a strange period, but this is who & what was legally elected. But . Already a conservative U.S. Atty. appointed during the current president’s 1st term, has quit rather than carry out a wrong decision. [he could have pardoned the NYC mayor, but instead, wanted this underling to drop charges.’ ]
Here’s just one little morsel about empathy, there are an estimated 5,000 Montisorri schools across this nation. That’s a whole lot of youngsters learning empathy & kindness & independent thinking. And imagine the estimate of how many graduates of those programs are out there, wending their way through their education, armed with those Montisorri tools. There are perhaps an estimated 7,000 school gardens in the USA. When I was a kid we weren’t shown how to attract pollinators, raise butterflies to release them, work with compost, etc. Today it’s almost a school standard if there is a patch of sunshine & land. There is positivity out there that can now be difficult at times to think about, due to the colossal amount of news we need to know that is disturbing. There are any number of eompassionate faith groups who each week are teaching empathy & loving kindness.
There are folks who value Democcracy, who have the ability do the right thing & are doing the right thing. And I think your post is The Right Thing. So many Appreciations.
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As much as this was hard to read, I think it’s important that we keep speaking the truth. I also feel like what has been hidden is now uncovered. And I am hopeful that we will… someday… get to a place where this country makes more sense. For now, I too, am avoiding as much news as I can. But it’s hard. Your post does bring hope, and shows that I am not alone in how I feel. So thank you for sharing today.
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There is definitely comfort in knowing others feel the same way! And hope in that, too!
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appreciations for sharing molly – The Waiting Space is a fine poem & I feel the fox is there, still hunting, eating, but not exactly in the same place. if i put into a search engine Michael Jordan, North Carolina, another health clinic for underserved, I see that good news coming ’round the bend.
perhaps 5,000 Montesorri schools are in the USA which guide children to have empathy & there are a countless # of Montesorri graduates out there living & working with the ethos their Montesorry base provided them.
on a larger scale, a us attorney recently resigned rather than do the wrong thing. news searches sho that when a high-level USA nuclear security official challenged recent ill-advised firings, people & their positions were re-instated. several inspector generals are suing to challenge hasty ill-thought firings & so on. i like reading gannett news service & ap. their reporting of the news gives me hope. i love reading Nix the Comfort Zone. I appreciate you so much, Molly.
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Jan, you are the best! I appreciate your reminder to look for the positives as well. Thanks for the bright light you bring to the world!
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I so appreciate what you’ve shared. Clearly, many of us are in the same boat. I was reminded of a video I saw a while back in which a Moms for Liberty member said that teaching SEL was a Trojan horse and goes on to describe the problems with teaching empathy. I thought it was a parody skit. Oy!
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I was stunned to learn that people consider empathy a negative! It’s actually part of the four core values at my school: Honesty, Empathy, Respect and Responsibility.
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It’s so hard right now to be hopeful now. But I going with hope. I find myself slipping, but I look outside my window at the ever changing lake and breathe trying to find joy- that’s my OLW joy. I didn’t know it would such a challenge😂.
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Nature is a powerful force for hope! I’m certainly leaning into the beauty that surrounds me to help me find my balance. Lucky you to have a lake outside your window 🙂
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You are not alone. Thank you for putting into words much of what I am feeling….
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The greed and hatred are getting uncomfortably close to my safe space and I’m not ready for it. Thanks for being a brave writer. I could not find a way to respond to the post. So my reply is tagging onto Sally’s. We need to hold each other up.
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Yes to holding each other up! (Sorry you had problems responding to the post…weird!)
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Thanks, Sally! It is so comforting to know there are like-minded folk out there!
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The same in my country. the situation seems hopeless. But this quote gives me strength. ‘ There is not enough darkness in the world to extinguish the light of a small candle. Take care.
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It definitely is not a US-only problem. Here’s to lighting many small candles and creating a brighter light together!
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Yes, all true, Molly. I heard about “the sin of empathy” relatively recently and was taken aback. I read this quote from a disability activist and it feels connected to that: “You can’t label entire groups of people expendable and not lose your moral compass.”
I keep reading messages from people in other countries who think Americans should be doing more, and it is weighing on me. What should we do? I am not sure. I understand that they are baffled that we are just accepting the coup.
I still am able to find things to write about in my gratitude journal every day. There are good things happening.
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