March 2025 SOLC–Day 8
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org
You might think this title refers to the insane contradictory edicts issuing forth daily (hourly?) from our capitol.
It does not.
It could instead, refer to the contortionist efforts I’m making to stay emotionally healthy and civically balanced in these times. How I literally yank myself mentally from outrage and despair at the news to push myself to notice bird song, cloud formations or an interesting play of shadows.
Nope.
Instead, it refers to how I woke this morning thinking about a student. Yesterday, I’d watched her in her book club while she was discussing characters in her book. I saw how she’d jotted down her thoughts and ideas as she’d read, and how she turned back to her book for evidence to support what she was saying to her group. I thought about how much this child has grown this year. How she’s become someone who is now leading by example, instead of someone noted in Guest Teacher plans as a student who “needs frequent check-ins to make sure she understands and is following directions.” I made a mental note to e-mail her mom and let her know. I love sending positive e-mails!
And then I thought back to an e-mail I sent yesterday afternoon to some parents–an e-mail expressing concern about this student’s increase in dysregulation this week. About how she’d struggled to manage her body and voice in expected ways. I’d asked if there was anything going on at home or if they might have some insights. But, with a pit in my stomach, I realized that I’d been in a rush to communicate at the end of a long week. I hadn’t taken the time to note again the strengths this student brings to our class. I could have framed my words better, emphasizing collaboration and sharing ideas for how to support her in being successful at school. In retrospect, my e-mail was relatively short and unbalanced. It wasn’t awful, but it could have been more nuanced, and it may well have landed heavily. I know better and I should have done better. Through experience, I’ve learned to wait to push send on tricky e-mails. Often a new day helps me see how to finesse my words and couch my message in the best terms. But, on Friday I forgot.
So, it feels like a whiplash kind of morning.
Usually, I don’t open my work computer until Sunday, but clearly I have two e-mails to write.
Nix the comfort zone 
What an honest reflection. Our words have power and I’m sure you’ll use yours to make this situation right. These kids and families are lucky to have you.
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I’ve written both e-mails now and feel better for having done so!
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I feel the whiplash of thoughts and emotions in this slice. You demonstrate dedication to student growth and collaboration with families. I appreciate your reflection and hope the computer takes a break after the emails.
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E-mails written. Computer closed. Thanks for your support!
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You take your students home with you. How much sleep did you lose thinking about this? My colleague has a 24 hour rule which I try to practice when it comes to feedback of any kind. I love how much you are invested in doing the right thing. I hope your parents know the gift they have in you.
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Thanks, Margaret. I’d love to know more about this 24-hour rule your colleague has.
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The fact that you wrote to the parents is clear evidence of you caring and that alone needs to be celebrated in this era when so many teachers, (politicians, citizens) just put one foot in front of the other and let someone else do the course correction.
Your parents and students are very fortunate and perhaps YOU should run for office. (That whiplash stuff again)
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Thanks, Anita, but a big “NO THANK YOU!!!” to the idea of running for office! UGH!
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We’ve all been there and what matters is making it better. Lucky kids to have such a reflective teacher!
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Thanks. Sometimes I wish I could turn off the reflective piece for a bit–it can be a bit anxiety-producing!
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The title of last year’s anthology THE MISTAKES THAT MADE US has helpfully stayed in my brain to remind me that my mistakes don’t RUIN me, they MAKE me. Make me rethink, revise, reengage, redo, try again, try better, fail better.
Your followup email to those parents will mean so much to them. They will know that their child has a thoughtful, compassionate teacher and that they have an ally in the difficult work of raising kids.
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Thanks so much for this thoughtful comment, Mary Lee. I work hard to remember that mistakes are fertile ground for learning, but I really like your idea that they make you “rethink, revise, reengage, redo, try again, try better, fail better.” Side note: I tell my students that I make mistakes every day–I just try to make new ones! They think that’s so funny and enjoy considering if my mistake of the moment is new or old.
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Describing that feeling as “whiplash” is perfect. We make so many little decisions- some land perfectly and some maybe not. We’re ping ponging back and forth. You have such good intentions and I’m sure those emails will be appreciated!
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Thanks, Cindy. Sometimes I tend to overanalyze. I did have a nice response from the parents.
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As teachers, we can be very efficient with our time in class. Making sure each subject gets its due. I sometimes forgot in my efficiency that its about the students. I, too, can send an email too quickly. A follow up email seems most appropriate. It’s tough being a parent, which is no news flash.
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That’s it exactly! Sometimes I’m just trying to get it all done, so something gets done a bit too haphazardly. I’m not sure if my first e-mail landed poorly or not, but I feel better for having sent the second.
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Please do t be so hard on yourself. And do not let that email ruin your weekend. I know that’s what teachers tell other teachers, but from your descriptions the email you regret doesn’t sound so bad. It resonates w/ me as concern. I’d like to share a little trick I’ve learned to use: I compose the email, copy it into a doc, delete the email before sending, and then if I decide to hit send, I take what’s in the doc. Sometimes we need the catharsis of writing the email and later don’t need to send it.
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Thanks for sharing your tip. I tend to write the e-mail but not put anyone in the “To” line. Then I let it sit for a bit. If I decide to send it, I do have to go back and enter the recipients and somehow that extra step helps. It also ensures I don’t inadvertently send something before I’m ready! I appreciate your support!
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It’s hard to start a weekend this way, but it’s great that you dealt with it in a way to satisfy your high standard for yourself. I was always a bit phone-phobic and ended up doing a lot of communicating by email. I felt I could choose my words better, but sometimes I was tired and therefore more blunt or less balanced in my thoughts. Like you, I sometimes had to write a sequel. I think most people can understand how that happens. I can’t share sage advice since I think I have some of the same tendencies that you have. I did sometimes say to myself that it might have been worse if I’d just picked up the phone and vented frustrations or wories.
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Thanks! I like that you called it a “sequel.” lol I used to phone home when there was a tricky moment or concern to share, but I’ve moved away from that. I’m not sure why. I always feel like e-mails are such a permanent record!
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I love the contrast of the positive and viewable growth of student A (which you describe so well!), and how you second-guess your email to student B. This is SO TRUE, and such a great writing/slice of this constant confliction of teaching.
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Thanks! Here’s hoping I remember what I’ve learned the next time I’m in this situation.
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Love the honesty and the two email plan for the day. Those families are lucky to have you!
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Thanks, Melanie. I’ve moved from spending too much time agonizing over wording on an e-mail to sending them too quickly. I guess, as usual, it’s a matter of balance.
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ugh! not the kind of whiplash you want to experience on a Saturday morning. I do appreciate the reminder that we all need–give space to those impulses to say something in the heat of the moment. I’m sure you’ve resolved the situation by now. Hope you now have time to enjoy that birdsong and notice the clouds and shadows…
Kim
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Luckily it never really rose to the level of a “situation”, but I definitely felt more comfortable with adding a follow-up e-mail. I actually even had read the original one to a colleague before I sent it. I guess that in itself should have been a hint to let it sit a bit longer before sending. And yes, I did enjoy some birdsong and notice clouds and shadows.
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