THWACK!
I flinch violently as something hits the window. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a blur of feathers bounce off the glass and tumble downward. I jump up and race over to the door. A small sparrow sits stunned on the stone step. I open the door to get closer and check on it. When I do so, it flies up onto a nearby perch on the rugosa roses. That’s a good sign, but I imagine it shaking its head and thinking, “What the hell just happened!?”
I always feel awful when this happens, and I want to protest. “There are decals on the window! Pay attention!”
But I imagine the bird was caught up in flight, lost in its world, unaware of possible danger, until…THWACK!
I wonder if it will be okay. How it will move forward into the day. How long it will take to recover from the impact. Will it fly more carefully in the future–perhaps hesitate to lift off from that secure branch? Or will it launch itself joyfully into the air, thankful to still be able to fly?
I empathize with the bird. A lot. About two weeks ago, I hit my own sort of window, at least figuratively. I was teaching my class toward the end of the day. Everything was fine. Until it wasn’t. Suddenly there was a black line snaking across the vision in my right eye. Within moments, it looked like someone had scribbled over the world in big, thick lines with a black marker. Within about 5-10 minutes, that had faded away, and essentially only light and shadow remained.
It turns out I’d had a sudden retinal tear that required emergency eye surgery.
THWACK!
Suddenly, my world changed.
My husband says, “What happens to the mind, happens to the body. And what happens to the body, happens to the mind.”
Suffice it to say, it all threw me for a loop. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.
I’m on a good path to recovery now, and am grateful for oh-so-many things: my family, my colleagues (who had to write my sub plans for over a week!), having two eyes, visiting friends, medical insurance, access to health care, paid leave, compassionate surgical staff, etc. Oh, and over and over again, I was deeply thankful for the beauty that surrounds my home. So many birds and various creatures flew and ambled through my yard during my long days of not reading, not driving, not bending or lifting, etc. When I wasn’t huddled on the couch, eyes closed, seeking to lose myself in an audiobook, I was most often looking out the windows.
Ultimately, I don’t see the sparrow take off from its perch, but when I look later, it’s gone. I’m going to assume there was a happy ending. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have one, too, but I’ll admit, right now I’m keeping a cautious eye out for unexpected impacts. You just never know.
Of course, chances are, I won’t see it coming. (Thwack!) But if it does come (and something surely will, because…life), chances are also good that I’ll have the support and resources to deal with it. So, I’m moving a little tentatively through my days right now, but I’m seeing the world through a lens of gratitude. And these days, I’m also beyond grateful for all that I can see.
Nix the comfort zone 
You hooked me with THWACK. I connected right away with a bird hitting a home’s glass and falling, so stunned. Then you repeated but with your story. On I read to ensure you were OK. Loved your spilling of gratitude, especially teammates who wrote sub plans for you! You captured a scary time so well in this slice. Sending you healing prayers, too!
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My colleagues are the absolute BEST! Thanks for the good wishes!
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Oh, my dad had a retinal tear when I was still living at home, so I know this fear and the challenging recovery well! I’m so glad to hear that you managed to get emergency surgery in time and that you’re on the up and up. ❤️🩹
A beautiful slice to show how we can’t always be prepared for what life throws our way, but we can be resourceful and resilient in handling those unexpected thwacks! Wishing you a speedy recovery. 🙏
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Thanks, Amy! It’s definitely been a shock to the system, but everything seems to be going well right now. The weird thing is that the surgery itself will most likely cause me to develop a cataract, so I’m looking at more surgery within the year.
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Oh no! 😩😩😩 well, wishing you only the best if/when that comes around. You’re strong, and better prepared now for it.
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It’s much simpler surgery, with a much simpler recovery. 🙂 Thanks!
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It was so good to see you post. I’ve been cheering for your recovery. Your gratitude shows. I love how you related it to the bird hitting the window. It was a definite thwack in your world.
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It’s been unsettling, to say the least! Thanks for your support!
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I remember seeing a bird hit our big picture window as a kid and that THWACK still echoes in my brain. Your slice was perfectly paced and the detail really brought me along the whole way. I hope your recovery is complete. Your appreciations were meaningful.
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Thanks, Erika. Recovery is ongoing, but seems to be on a good path right now.
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How does a sudden retinal tear happen? Violent sneezing? Eye stuff is certainly scary sh*t! Did the kids notice something was wrong and get help? What’s the latest with your vision? Need anything that your fan club in York can provide?
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The tear was related, more or less, to the natural process of developing floaters. In my case, the floater didn’t detach and tore the retina. Luckily it was near the end of the day, and I took the kids to Specials and got them out the door and onto the bus afterward–all while waiting to hear back from the eye doctor. Assessing my vision will take some time–as of right now, my pupil is still dilated from drops and the surgery I had usually causes a cataract to develop. The doc says it will be many months and probably cataract surgery before I can have a final assessment and correct prescription. My glasses work for me now, and I just realized that I’m very thankful that I put off getting new lenses this past fall for a minor prescription change! Thanks for the offer of help, but I’m set 🙂 I’d still love to plan to get together in July or August if we can swing it.
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Things happen. I felt for the sparrow and even more for you with your eye issue. Your ability to find the positive in this situation is admirable.
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To be clear, I did huddle on the couch a LOT! There was a lot to be thankful for though, and recognizing it all was helpful.
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Oh goodness. Your blithe intro didnt prepare me for the rest. You describe the retinal tear so vividly it was hard to read. I am glad you are recovering well.
Starting with the bird was an effective way to bookend your piece. Let’s hope for no more “thwack “ moments!
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Fingers crossed!
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THWACK. It’s how the bird entered your consciousness, and how so many things in life wind up treating us like that bird: humming along, minding our own business, then running up against obstacles whether or not we’ve had a warning of their presence.
So well said.
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Thanks! It struck me (ha!) that some people haven’t had that experience in their lives yet. I have had a few instances when my life changed dramatically in an instant, and I was blindsided by that “Thwack!” Luckily, (fingers crossed!) this one seems to have been just a bump in the road, even though it was scary and unsettling.
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Wow, Molly! This took me by surprise; I was the bird enjoying your writing when suddenly your eye surgery appeared like a window to bump against. I’m glad to read you have a great support system and that you’re doing okay!
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Thanks, Ana!
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[…] sidelined by an emergency eye surgery. (I wrote a little bit about it in this week’s Slice of Life.) This meant, in addition to missing more than a week of work, I missed the opportunity to […]
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So sorry to hear, but glad you’re doing better! Ruth, thereisnosuchthingasagodforsakentown.blogspot.com
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Thanks, Ruth!
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I’m so glad you had all that support during a scary time! The actual tearing itself sounds so disorienting. Your description helped me to feel like, if it happens to me or around me, maybe I will be able to guess what is happening. Thank goodness for your words and for the words of people who lift you up (and entertain you re: audiobooks). xo
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Thanks, Tabatha. Somehow I missed your response in the craziness that was this past spring.
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[…] this past April my retina tore. Surgery followed and my vision was regained–mostly. My right pupil remains dilated, which is […]
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