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SOLC Day 27: I’ve Got a Golden Ticket!

March 2024 SOLC–Day 27
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

I haven’t shaken yesterday’s grumpiness, and I had a hard time rolling out of bed yet again this morning. Yesterday’s relatively disastrous math class is still resounding in my head, along with a lot of degrading self talk and the litany of Things-to-do that pollutes March each year. Then there are a few extras thrown in this year to add to the mess and stress. Oh, and don’t forget to add in a thick layer of self disgust for whining in the first place, when really I am so, so fortunate is so, so many ways. Ugh. I really hate feeling ugly inside.

Even though writing slices has been tough lately, I still keep writing in my notebook. I guess it’s a sort of sloppy creative journal. Whatever it is, no matter how I’m feeling, writing in it is a deeply ingrained morning habit.

Here’s what I just wrote this morning: “There are only 5 more slicing days left and I should be able to pull that off. Just 5 more slices to write — but these feel more like “cross it out” rather than “craft and enjoy.” I’ve found myself thinking lately that I might not do this next year. Maybe my 10th year is my swan song. But then I would probably still have an overwhelming, stressful March, but not have a collection of writing or the sense of community… “

Not long afterward, I stopped writing and got on-line to check my e-mails. There were a bunch of comments on my grumpy slice from last night from regular readers and others. Each one was so supportive and so empathetic.

“I get it.”

“I’m in the exact same place.”

“You’re allowed.” or

“I’m just. so. tired. of everything, really. It’s not that I can’t see the good things, I’m just grumpy.”

I felt seen, heard, supported and surrounded by community. A little bit of my toxic funk evaporated as I read each one.

These comments are such a tangible affirmation of why I do participate in this challenge. Sure, I want to work on writing and challenge myself to improve my writing craft. But really, the challenge is the golden ticket, giving me entry into this amazing community of supportive people who are in it together, doing the best we can.

So, here’s to all of you, with my deepest thanks for the ongoing support and encouragement! In particular, today, I thank Margaret, Lainie, Jessica, Stephanie, Kim, and Amanda.

You’re the best!

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SOLC Day 26: A Bad Case of the Can’t-Help-Its

March 2024 SOLC–Day 26
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

I’m sitting and staring at my screen, trying to figure out what to write. It’s the exact thing I did this morning when I had some time to write. And then I didn’t.

I am in a bad mood and in a bad writing place. It’s not that I don’t have anything to write about. I can think of several moments that would make a good slice. I just don’t want to. Like foot stomping don’t want to. I don’t have the energy or the urge, and I’m feeling super grumpy about it. I’ve gone from my early month jubilation to the too-close-to-quit doldrums. It’s like the early excitement of the journey has turned from “Yippee! We’re off!” to “Are we there yet?”, and the latter is definitely said in a very whiny, unattractive tone.

I tried focusing on positives this evening–the cute, skipping, rainbow-legginged girl who waved wildly at me in the grocery store parking lot, the hawk flying up to a tree as I drove by, and the cluster of deer grazing peacefully in our back yard. It didn’t help. Neither did multiple servings of Girl Scout cookies (Carmel Delites) or over-indulgence in salt-and-pepper potato chips. My husband had the wood stove going and a scented candle burning when I got home, and then he made dinner. It didn’t matter. I’m still in a funk. Not fit company for anyone.

When my children were little, and we couldn’t shift them from grumpy, despite all our best efforts, we used to say they had a bad case of the “can’t-help-its.” I guess that’s my diagnosis. I’m hoping tomorrow will be a better day, but for now I just have a deeply entrenched case of the can’t-help-its.

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SOLC Day 25: Winter Wonderland

March 2024 SOLC–Day 25
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

We went to bed Saturday night with the power out and rain and ice lashing the windows. We woke to a world transformed. The power still hadn’t returned, but now every surface had been thickly coated with a thick glaze of ice. It was treacherous and it didn’t bode well for an imminent return of power, but it was also absolutely stunning.

The pictures really don’t capture the glitter and glow of it all. It was sparkle on steroids, everything frosted and frozen, like some sort of magical fairyland. Today, my 30 year old son mentioned that he’d commented to his wife, “It looks just like Narnia!” And it did!

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SOLC Day 24: A Weekend Snow Day

March 2024 SOLC–Day 24
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

It was pretty clear by Friday afternoon that Saturday would not be a good day for travel. I summarily decided that I would be going nowhere and doing nothing. It was going to be an at home snow day and I was leaning into it. The last two weekends had been packed and I was stick-a-fork-in-me done! 

So, Friday night we picked up ingredients for soup and a few other essentials. We made sure the wood was stacked high by the wood stoves. I went to sleep knowing I had no plans for the next day, feeling oddly and deliciously liberated by having some choices and “should do’s” curtailed by the impending storm. 

I woke up, eager to check out the snowfall (maybe 2 inches so far), made coffee and fed the cats. Then I wrote, read and commented. Played some word games. Next, I made pumpkin pancakes and topped them with ginger jam. Yum! I washed the sheets and made the bed. I watched the snow fall. I let each moment unfold into the next, letting my mood and inclination guide me.

I willfully ignored school work and tax prep. I finished a book (The Mona Lisa Vanishes). I watched the birds in the snow and took some pictures. I shoveled the walkway. I sat by the wood stove in the living room and read a new book (The Predictable Heartbreaks of Imogen Finch). For hours. From start to finish. Sheer, unadulterated bliss! I had wine and Tostitos for dinner (to hell with making soup!). Then, I finished the day by watching two episodes of “Miss Scarlet and the Duke” with Kurt. I almost never watch anything, but it felt like the perfect way to wind up my very low-key day.

After watching, we shut down the house and headed up to bed, ready to finish the day with more reading. Within minutes of my getting in bed, the lights flickered. Once. Twice. Three times…and gone. Oh, well. Hopefully, this will be a Camelot scenario and power will be on when we wake in the morning.

Outside the snow had turned to rain or ice. It lashed against the windows.

Inside, we turned on our book lights and read. 

It had been a really nice day.

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SOLC Day 23: One for the Books!

March 2024 SOLC–Day 23
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

She approached me with tears in her eyes, clearly distraught.

I leaned down. “Oh, no. What’s wrong, B?”

She choked out the words, “There’s a booger. And it’s stuck in my nose. And I can’t get it out!” Her voice rose as she spoke, and a tear spilled over and ran down her cheek.

“Oh,” I repeated. “Well, that happens sometimes,” I reassured her. “Did you try blowing?”

“Yes. Once.”

“Well, do you think you can try again?” I asked.

The tears streamed down her face, and more words gushed out

“But I tried to pull it out and it won’t come out when I try to pull it.”

I paused.

“Did you put anything up your nose?” I asked.

“No.”

“Are you sure?” I pressed, thinking of past experiences and the allure of pencil eraser tops.

“Yes.”

I was at a bit of a loss at this point, unsure what was going on.

“Does it hurt?” I asked.

She shook her head, and offered a forlorn little, “No.”

“Well, why don’t you just let it be for a little bit? Maybe it’s a little like a loose tooth and will come out when it’s ready. ” (Ew! And, yes, I really said that. Desperate times and all…although, it did feel a bit inspired. As a second grader, she was sure to understand that analogy.)

She looked at me doubtfully, but the flow of tears was ebbing, and she didn’t seem quite as upset.

“Ok, B, why don’t you try blowing once or twice more, and then if that doesn’t work, give it some time. Do you think that could be the plan?”

She nodded.

“I’ll check in with you later, ok? Or you can tell me if it gets worse.”

“OK,” she said, and turned away to head to the tissues, wiping the tears off her cheeks.

The day moved on, and I didn’t hear from her about this again. Later when I checked in, she was smiling and confirmed that everything was okay. I didn’t ask for details.

This was one for the books.

Then I remembered the poem I’d shared with my class earlier this week. Could it be related? Surely not!


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SOLC Day 22: In the wee hours

March 2024 SOLC–Day 22
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

It’s 1:53 am.

I’m snuggled in a nest of blankets, warm and cozy. The cat is curled atop them, between me and my husband. I feel her legs twitching madly in her sleep, and wonder idly if her dreams are pleasant or disturbed. Is she running toward something or running away?

Moments from yesterday drift through my mind, like a reel of bloopers at the end of a movie. Funny moments. Concerning ones. Mistakes. Triumphs.

It’s been a long, long week, and the last two weekends have been held hostage by work overflow. All the regular culprits–report cards and comments, conference prep, regular planning, etc. Thank goodness it’s Friday, with a weekend to follow. I’m ready for the break. I just need to get through today. Ew. I don’t like thinking that way–wishing a day away–but there it is.

The windows rattle with a gust of wind. It’s so cold outside. Recess duty will not be pleasant today! They’re forecasting snow for Saturday. Up to half a foot! We should go grocery shopping tonight. Maybe we can make soup. I know I have some good bread in the freezer. Depending on the roads, we might have to wait to get our tax information to the accountant until Sunday…Ugh, I still need to pull all of that together. Do I even have everything? Do I know where it is? I need to read over the new reading unit this weekend, and prepare to launch it next week. The new writing unit will follow all too shortly afterward. I feel the weekend slipping away, and sense the onslaught of the coming weeks looming. How many weeks is it until spring break? Didn’t we just have a break?

I sigh and pull the covers up around me. Take a deep breath. Roll over and find a comfortable position.

I hear Kurt breathing softly beside me. Through the covers, I can feel the weight and warmth of the cat. She is resting peacefully now. Her nighttime adventures are a thing of the past.

Outside, the wind still howls intermittently, rattling about. Slight drafts curl in around the edges of the windows in our old home. But I’m safe. I’m warm. I still have hours to sleep.

And so I do.

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SOLC Day 21: Spring is coming?

March 2024 SOLC–Day 21
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

Spring is Coming! Spring?

What I planned to post this morning:

purple crocuses
amidst damp and dun grass
promise unfolding

What I saw outside the windows this morning:

Light creeps up
a sudden dawning–
It snowed last night!
©Molly Hogan

Time to rethink today’s shoe choice…

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SOLC Day 20: A Dose of Calm

March 2024 SOLC–Day 20
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

Last Saturday I woke early. I knew I wanted to drive to the marsh for sunrise. After a hectic week of report cards, I needed a dose of calm. The forecast had promised fog and it delivered.

I arrived to a shrouded world. Objects faded in and out of sight as I walked. The puddles seemed to offer portals to other worlds.

I was wrapped in quiet, my view limited to what was immediately around me. The horizon held its secrets close. After the busy, stimulation of the week, this limited focus was a balm.

Occasionally, a faint shadow appeared in the distant fog. Eventually, it resolved into another person. We’d pass with a nod or a hello. Then I’d be back to reveling in the solitude, hearing only the far off calls of birds– mostly sea gulls, and geese and the repeated joyful serenades of the song sparrows.

Finally, the sun gained an edge over the fog, and blue patches of sky emerged.

It was time for me to leave.

I left feeling grateful, carrying the calm of the morning within me.

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SOLC Day 19: Conferences

March 2024 SOLC–Day 19
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

Careening through the days
One after another
Never enough time for planning, for sleeping, for a
Full breath or a short pause
Everyone is scurrying,
Run ragged, until…
Each family arrives with their child,
Nervous or excited, and we talk.
Celebrating growth and success
Envisioning next steps
Sitting and sharing together

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SOLC Day 18: A grounding exercise

March 2024 SOLC–Day 18
A huge thank you to Two Writing Teachers for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
http://www.twowritingteachers.org

Last week, Rob Walker’s post appeared in my Inbox. It was entitled, “Attention vs. Anxiety” In it he talked a bit about the relationship between attention and anxiety, and shared a prompt that can address both, by grounding you in the moment. It’s called a 5-4-3-2-1 prompt and I realized this morning, when I woke up, already wound tight about the week of teaching and conferences ahead, that I could use something grounding.

5 things you see:

  1. The cat’s eyes peer through the window. It’s still dark out, but the interior light spills out and she’s clearly visible. A ball of furred want and need. She does this all day long –begs to get out and then pleads to return. I let her in, knowing that I can’t focus with those eyes staring at me, even when I try not to make contact. Soon she’ll be clawing to get out again.
  2. The overhead light in the kitchen spills interesting striped shadows through the back of the island chairs. They contort from floor, over radiator, and partway up the wall.
  3. The outdoor plant I opted to make a houseplant is blooming. The petals are lilac-hued, veined with deep purple and they have a soft yellow center.The initial buds are tiny, spiraling up on a long stalk, and then the showy blossom emerges. It’s inconceivable how it was all tucked away in such a tiny space.
  4. A picture of my three young children in Mexico is propped on my desk. They are all independent adults now. I take a moment to trace their long-ago features with my eyes. Drink in the sight of them. Feel pulled from the here into the then.
  5. The shell on my desk is half hidden behind the action figure of John Smith of Disney Pocahontas fame. My children played for hours with the latter. I can almost hear the refrain of “Colors of the Wind” as I remember. The shell, collected long ago from some beach, was once a home. Now, my eyes often linger on its spiral, following its path over and over.

4 things you feel:

  1. Beneath me, the hard wooden contour of the chair supports my weight. It must be a thankless job to be a chair.
  2. My coffee mug, heavy in my hands, radiates warmth. I pause momentarily to feel it seep into my palms, then put it down and return to typing.
  3. The air is cool on my cheeks. We didn’t stoke the fire last night, so it’s chillier than usual in the room.
  4. My robe is warm and soft against my neck. It was a gift from my son and daughter-in-law. It was one of those things you didn’t even know you wanted which then becomes indispensable. The best kind of gift.

3 things you hear:

  1. The burning wood, wet from some recent rains, is whistling in the wood stove. A mini steam kettle in action.
  2. Our other cat passes behind me, her nails click click click on the wooden floor. There’s a sudden rollicking galloping thumping as the two cats briefly chase and tumble through the room.
  3. From the kitchen I hear the steady tick tick tick of the clock. (It doesn’t make me feel grounded.)

2 things you smell:

  1. There’s a whiff of sulphur in the air, from the match I struck not too long ago to light the fire.
  2. The scent of coffee lingers. From the pot. From the cup beside me. I realize that coffee, brewing in the morning, fulfills all these sensory categories.

1 thing you taste:

  1. Ah, yes, coffee. I take another sip of my strong coffee, splashed with some milk, and savor it. It’s mostly decaffeinated, but still I anticipate that first sip every morning. It’s taste will linger until I wash it away with a bubble and scrub of mint toothpaste. Another flavor to savor.