“Excuse me,” I said to the man unloading stock in the Trader Joe’s aisle. “Do you have any cannellini beans?”

“Oh, yeah,” he said. “I can show you.” He stepped away from his half unloaded box and led me down the aisle, weaving between the crowds of customers on this busy Saturday afternoon.

“I really appreciate it,” I said, as I followed him. “I did look in the bean area, but maybe I just overlooked them.”

He moved to the shelves I’d already checked and scanned them.

“Here you go,” he said, pointing. “It says “garbanzo beans” but that’s just what we label them.”

Wait. What does he mean? That doesn’t make sense. How can you just choose a different label?

“Oh, no,” I said, after a brief pause. “I wasn’t looking for garbanzo beans. I’m looking for cannellini beans.”

“Yeah,” he repeated, pointing with more emphasis to the can. “That’s what these are. We just label them “garbanzo”. It’s the same thing.”

“Um,” I hesitated, flummoxed. Then, not wanting to directly contradict him (as that totally runs afoul of my upbringing), but certain of my basic bean knowledge, I continued, “Well, they actually aren’t the same thing. Cannellini beans are like white kidney beans.”

He ignored me. “So, do you want organic or regular?”

He clearly wasn’t budging on his stance. He’d been quick to help me, but his patience seemed to be dwindling rapidly. I could practically see the large thought bubble over his head. “Stupid customer!”

“Um, neither, thanks. I already have a lot of garbanzo beans at home (I admit that I may have slightly emphasized garbanzo beans as I said this. That’s about as aggressive as I get in a conversation.)…but thanks for your help.”

I tried to edge away and escape down the aisle. He followed me up the aisle, carrying a can of GARBANZO beans.

Two employees entered the aisle.

“Hey,” he said, fully entrenched and seeking backup. “She (said with a certain tone, I think!) wants cannellini beans. That’s the same as garbanzo beans, right?”

“It’s really not,” I muttered under my breath. How did this man get so invested in my bean search?! Or is he maybe just invested in being right?

“No,” one of them responded.

“Yeah,” I repeated, now looking for my own validation, “Cannellini beans are like white kidney beans.”

“We do have Great Northern beans,” she said.

“Thanks,” I said. “I have another stop to make and I’ll just look for cannellini beans there.” I turned and moved decisively up the aisle, away from the beans and my bean adversary.

It wasn’t until I was writing this that I realized what had probably happened. I would bet that the TJ employee confused cannellini beans and chickpeas! I mean, garbanzo beans and chickpeas are the same thing and it is weird that we have two completely different names for one bean. Still, cannellini and garbanzo sound nothing alike.

Talk about miscommunicating! I could have resolved the whole thing easily (maybe?) if I’d thought of that in the moment, instead of 24 hours later. I can’t believe I didn’t make the connection earlier. But his certitude was unshakeable. I suppose mine was, too. (Although, I still stand by it!)

Note to self: It’s usually worth it to invest a bit more time into understanding someone else’s truth or belief, and to try to consider all perspectives. Somewhere there’s a quote I once read (and can’t find despite a 10 minute google detour!) about trying to find the nugget of truth in the midst of someone’s belief. Understanding that can go a long way toward fostering connection and avoiding escalating misunderstandings. Even at Trader Joe’s!